The Wandering “I” in the Land of Separateness


This topic came to me today after watching ‘Mean Girls 2’ with my twelve year old last night.  I know I probably shouldn’t allow her to watch these horrible movies, but I was more hooked than she was and my kid is pretty aware of what’s going on for real, and so far seems to be clear on her path with a little guidance from me.  What am I saying?… I don’t need to justify anything to anyone here.  We were watching ‘Mean Girls 2’ – so what?

So there you have it and I was blown away (and interested) at the way the movie depicted high school as an extremely unsafe environment where there are a group of wealthy girls who control pretty much everything and everyone – yet how incredibly appropriate.  It was both comedy and satire of what the world truly is… A tragedy, really, to say the very least (because I am not elaborating anymore about this awful film).   (When I mentioned I was hooked, I should have said dumfounded). 

I recall being swooned in by people in my life who controlled the world around them by using others (including me) as pawns to create an environment that ultimately revolved around themselves.  The lack of self-esteem I asserted, created a yearning for acceptance, which is the weakness that the self-centered people prey on.  In retrospect I was too blind to see just how self-involved these people whom I desired acceptance from, truly were.  But there are other forms of self-centeredness that are a lot more elusive, and if we look at ourselves very carefully, we very well might fit the category. 

In a blog, I’m not going to get into what it looks like to be elusively self-centered.  This would turn into a book.  Let me put it this way, if you felt a little sock to the gut when you read the part where you might fit the category of being elusively self-centered, I would be concerned enough to look into it a little further.  I would do some personal inventory around the subject.  Shine some awareness on it and look at yourself honestly.  That’s how I came to acknowledge my own self-centered behaviors, which weren’t elusive at all.  If you’re an addict, you’re self-centered.  If you’ve been raised in this western society, you’re self-centered.  If you think you’re separate from the person sitting next to you because of the color of their skin, because they are gay, because they speak another language, because they smell like they haven’t showered since the twentieth century, or simply because the seats aren’t connecting, then you’re self-centered.  Take a real good look at it.  It’s a tricky topic, which is why I’m not going to get into details here.  You’re smart enough to do your own research, and I really hope you do.  Self-centeredness is the one thing that most people are completely blind to, yet when you are awake to it and aware of it in yourself, you begin seeing it everywhere like a big flashing neon sign above New York City.  I feel like I’m watching a film about self-centeredness everyday on the big screen (in 3D IMAX).  But that’s only because I finally got aware of how self-centered I was, so I’m not pointing fingers here.  I totally get it.

When it really hit home to me that the person sitting next to me on the bus was actually “me,” I literally was on a bus.  It was right after reading the book ‘Oneness’ by Rasha (recommendation to read this book inserted here).  Something shifted inside of me and suddenly I saw every person as myself. I was touched by how lovely each person was in their own way, and how I could be so many different faces with several personalities.  I was floored, but to make it even more interesting, a girl who came and sat next to me on the bus was the very barista who recommended a type of tea to me that I didn’t want to try.  Just an hour prior I had been irritated with her because they only had jasmine-green tea, rather than raw green tea.  I tried her version of the tea and ended up loving it, and there she was approaching me on the bus after her shift.  As she sat down next to me, the person I was irritated at was no longer another person.   She was me!  I sat there in utter awe of how the guy with the dreadlocks was me, and the model-looking chick was me.  I was the bus driver, the woman in the wheelchair and the child with the ice cream cone dripping chocolate on his pants.  There was no separateness because I was everyone.  I saw myself in the eyes of an elderly man and in the face of someone who looked completely lost.  I couldn’t help but smile broadly and I was lucky that this strange phenomenon lasted for about twenty-four hours.  Now it’s just a memory, but at least I understand.  When I treat others like they don’t deserve my time of day, I am ultimately rejecting myself.  When I am a complete bitch to the barista, I am being a bitch to myself.

Do I really need to write more on the subject?  I mean, you get it right?  We are ONE, my friend, and the more you think of yourself as separate, the more self-centered you truly are, so instead of looking at people’s differences, try to focus on the fact that they are just another version of you.  There are no kings and queens versus beggars and travelers.  There is no real hierarchy on this planet.  There is simply you, along with a lot of facets of yourself running around.  If you don’t believe me, do your own research on the subject.  With much diligence, I’m certain that you will discover this for yourself.


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