It’s Important to Know Your Limitations

Limitations

When you navigate through life with direction and have a sense of self, sometimes you hit a wall.  The wall is unexpected and it can be maddening, but only if you try to break through the wall instead of just standing there in awareness of it, and then accepting that it’s there.  The wall can be anything, but mostly it’s a place where you are reminded that you are not invincible.  After a long run with tons of momentum, the wall presents itself, making it abundantly clear that you need to slow down and change things up a bit.  If you don’t do it, the universe will do it for you, and from experience, I’ve learned that the universe’s way of getting my attention is not usually subtle.  The wall is kind of subtle, so if you’re aware of it when it arises, then you can overcome it without too much of a struggle.

It’s good to know your limitations.  It’s not good to walk around the planet thinking you know everything.  Nobody knows everything.  I don’t care who you are.  Self-awareness isn’t about life always being simple and trouble-free.  It’s truly about knowing the circumstances and how you are feeling and being in acceptance of everything right here right now without trying to outsmart any discomfort that you feel.

Last night I was in a Restorative Meditation class, and the instructor kept bringing us back to our bodies, asking us to feel anything that may not be comfortable.  She kept returning us back to our bodies, although my mind was off in the distance.  Each time she brought us back to our bodies, I felt something I hadn’t noticed before.  We did a stretch that brought pain to the palms of my hands.  It was incredibly uncomfortable, but during that time, I wasn’t thinking about anything else except for the discomfort.  When I directed my attention to my uncomfortable hands, and then accepted that they were uncomfortable, I felt myself relax into the discomfort.  The weirdest thing was that I actually became grateful for that pain because it made me feel alive in that moment, and none of my thoughts had any momentum over that pain.  The pain was a gift because it brought me into focus.  I wasn’t trying to avoid the pain, or turn off the pain.  I simply accepted it and decided that I was not yet strong in that portion of my hands.  I didn’t judge myself for it.  How often do I lay upside down and hold my feet up in straps?  Never.  So, how could I build that muscle if I didn’t allow the pain and discomfort to overcome me while I was stretching that untrained muscle?

What muscle am I stretching right now in my real life?  I’m not certain.  I know one thing is for sure – I’m not comfortable at all.  I’m feeling things in my body, mind and emotions that feel a lot like a wall.  I feel a bit blank because I don’t have answers for myself right now.  I’m at a loss.  The good news is, I know this is nothing more than an opportunity to quiet down and be aware.  I don’t have to have answers, and I’m certainly not going to avoid the way I’m feeling – the rawness, the numbness, the blankness.  It’s not going to kill me.  I know nothing right now, thank god.  I just know there is a wall, and I am standing before it and it’s incredibly annoying.  I don’t have it all figured out.  I’m vulnerable.  I’m human.  I’m fallible.  That’s actually incredibly refreshing.  If I knew everything, life would be dreadfully boring.

We all have limitations.  It’s ok to admit this about ourselves.  There was a time in my life when I pretended to know what I was doing.  That got me nothing but a lot of unwanted wake-up calls.  When you get to a place where you are ok with feeling vulnerable, and perfectly fine with not knowing what the hell is going on, then you’re actually getting somewhere.  I may not feel like I’m getting anywhere right now, and that’s ok.  This is a good place to ask for help, or to accept advice, or to be open to receiving some clarity.  It’s not a time to beat myself up, or to shut down.  Somehow I’ll befriend this wall and the wall will become uncomfortable with my acceptance, so it will shift, and I will gracefully walk past it.  Until then, I’m in a place of not knowing anything, and for once in my life, that’s perfectly alright by me.

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More Than You Can Handle? Time to Reflect on What You’ve Been Asking For in Your Life

Overwhelmed

“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”  Well, that’s just vague.  Human beings are incredibly resilient creatures.  We can handle just about anything, so the saying should be, “God knows you can handle more than you know you can handle.”  That sounds about right.  There are times in my life where I’m carrying a load bigger than me.  I’m an ant hauling around a crumb as big as a beetle.  That’s what it feels like, especially today.  The circumstances being presented to me are much greater than my capacity to figure out how I can manage the quickly incoming changes.  BIG life changes.  Nothing I was expecting either, and it certainly feels like more than I can handle, but after knowing how the great HP works in my life, and in understanding that I directly create my experiences, I have to open myself up to the possibility that I am being lead toward the desires of my heart.

When I’ve been zeroing in on what I want for my life, and begging God for help, and something suddenly gets dropped on my plate that looks more like a pair of boots than a delicious meal, well then it’s up to me to shift my thinking around it.  Why would a pair of boots be offered, rather than the abundance of food I’ve been asking for?  It doesn’t even add up.  AH-HA!  Well, that’s because someone upstairs is trying to show me that it’s my own thinking (perspective) holding me back from the experience I’ve been wanting.  In order to help me to change my perspective, I’ve been given something that doesn’t make any sense so that I become curious.  Curiosity leads to exploration, and exploration leads to discovery.  At the end of this little journey, the boots should make perfect sense.

We’ve all had this experience, and we all resist these experiences.  We want what we want handed to us on a silver platter.  Am I right?  “I asked for prime rib, Dude, and you’re delivering a pair of boots.  Are you out of your freaking mind?  I can’t eat boots!”  Yes, the universe is out of its mind because the universe has no mind.  It is a place where all things are given to us in great abundance. We are the ones who need to get out of our minds in order to receive clarity of the abundance that has been placed before us – which may appear as a pair of boots, but when we put the boots on (rather than rejecting them) something incredible happens.  We realize that the boots are there to help us along the journey.

Why all the obscurity along our path and the pressure in the process of receiving?  Because without it, there would be very little spiritual progress.  Often we want great big changes in our lives.  We ask for our dreams to come true, but when the skin meets the gravel in the physical realm, we suddenly forget our spiritual path and subscribe to the pain and pressure surrounding the experience, rather than waking up and noticing the bigger picture.  These are little tests of faith offered to us in order for us to seek clarity.  With the conditioning of our society, and the way we think, its like there are cobwebs blocking the view of our lives.  We need to clean the cobwebs so that we can see.  When we ask for certain things, the universe immediately responds, but what happens is that we haven’t changed our thinking around how we receive what we are asking for, so instead of delivering what we want on a silver platter, we get something that will assist us in a change of perspective.

For example – We often think that in order to get anywhere in life, we must work really hard.  With this way of thinking instilled in us, how are we able to receive a gift of financial abundance if we don’t believe it is available without hard work?  We create our own blocks by how we are conditioned.  If we want financial abundance, it is available to us, but the hard work must be done internally.  We must dust away the cobwebs (or the programming of our mind) in order to receive the financial abundance that we so desire.  If a pair of boots gets dropped down to us, rather than a pile of money, well then get curious about the boots.  Know that they are par for the course.  Put the boots on your feet and ask for some intergalactic clarity.  Forward march.  Trust the experience and keep your eye on the prize.  If the boots are heavy, get curious about that too.  If they are dirty, ask yourself why?  Don’t reject the boots, or toss them aside, or assume that God doesn’t hear you, or give up on your desire.  We are always being guided toward the desires of our hearts.  It’s a matter of us becoming aware of the journey.

I’ve gotten a pair of boots in front of me today.  I’m putting them on without second guessing them. They are heavy.  They are a little too tight.  I’m a flip-flop wearing kind of gal.  I asked for something completely different.  This doesn’t make any sense at all, and I am feeling quite overwhelmed because I feel the weight and lack of resources for the present circumstance.  That’s what my eyes see and it’s exactly what my programmed, cobwebbed mind tells me is true, but I’m not buying into that old beat up tape playing in my head.  I’m trusting that these boots are made for walking and that what I’ve been asking for is right up ahead.  It’s merely a matter of me trusting that I’m being guided along my journey and knowing that I have everything I need to get where I’m going.  It’s a matter of me changing my perspective, and opening my heart to receiving all that is before me.  I will not buy into my fears, get stuck inside my limited perspective, or cave in and freak out.  As my treatment counsellors used to tell me – “Oh, you’re uncomfortable?  Ok, so BE uncomfortable.  It’s not going to kill you.  In fact, it’s the best thing for you right now.”  Yes, these boots are uncomfortable, and weird, and somewhat foreign in the scheme of my life, but instead of rejecting them, I’m completely surrendering to the fact that I have NO idea how things are going to pan out – yet I do know that they are certainly going to pan out. That’s a pretty exciting adventure right there. I’m up for it. Arms open wide.

With flying colors – J. L. Forbes

Recognizing Stressful Sitations as a Process for Inner Awareness

woman meditating on rock

WOW it’s been a week!  Too much going on, yet no way to slow it down.  I don’t know what planets are aligned where or if Mercury is in retro-freaking-grade, or if Gemini is being eclipsed by whatever, but I feel like a frigging tennis ball.  Friday finally approached, just before a three day holiday I’m having with my family out on our private river island (oasis from this hellish week), and it turns out to be the most stressful day of all.  Unexpected twists and turns – a roller coaster of a day and evening, and none of it was fun, except when I finally sat down in bed last night and saw a really funny FB post.  Laughter certainly eased my anxiety, but then there were the dreams.  More stress, twists and turns and then I found myself purchasing a big bottle of god-knows-what at a liquor store. Drinking dreams.  They’ve come up a lot this week.  The worst ones are so realistic.  I drink and actually feel drunk.  I smell the booze and the next day I cannot recall anything from the night before.  It’s all too realistic for me.  This morning, my nerves are like the tattered strings of an old violin.  I’m spent. 

We all go through off-days and off-weeks.  I haven’t had anything like this come up for me in such a long time that I actually believed I’d transcended chaos.  Ha!  It’s good for me to know that I’m still in the running for Gandhi’s successor (I am so just kidding – trust me I really need sarcasm as a crutch today).  The truth is, I stopped looking at physical situations as “reality” and have come to a place where I understand these situations arise so that I can actually feel what’s going on for me – the inner reality.  I’ve been in fear all week.  I mean, anxiety central right here.  It hasn’t been constant, but there have been several occurrences that have brought up so much fear in me that I could not even pretend to be at peace.  And thank god for that.  I don’t like being delusional about myself.  I want to know what’s really going on with me.  I want my awful ugly side to come up once in a while so that I can get a good look at it and remember that I am human.  Life is not a fairy prance.  It’s raw.  It’s sometimes terrifying, and it comes with unexpected cliff hangers.  I don’t particularly like being on the edge, but it keeps me real.  It helps the suppressed fears to bubble up so that I can shine a light on those fears and release them out of my body.  These twists and turns are like physical exfoliation of my suppressed emotions.  Ugh, it sucks, but man I’m so grateful to be aware of myself, instead of thinking the world is coming up against me.  On the contrary.  It’s time for me to release some of this fear.  It’s time for me to be aware that it’s deep down inside of me.  It’s about time I faced it and had a little rendezvous with my old suppressed acquaintances.  The truth is, nothing BAD really happened this week, although a lot of things could have went “wrong,” and they still could go “wrong,” but now that I’m aware of my fears, I can easily accept any “wrong” that does happen because it isn’t the situation occurring.  It’s truly about facing those fears that come up when those situations bring it on.

I’ve been in jail.  I’ve lost everything.  I’ve faced the entire world on the Oprah show regarding a traumatic DUI involving my child.  People probably wonder why I’m so open about my life and my break ups and all the other shit that comes up for me.  I’m not afraid of other people’s judgment.  That’s LONG gone.  Don’t care what people think about me when I’m being true to who I am.  What I am afraid of, are other things that came up for me this week.  So it’s good that they came up for me through the mirror of physical reality.  I’m quite aware of my fears right now, and I’m not beating myself up for how I feel or my mistakes or for simply being human.  I’m merely taking a good look at myself and asking for guidance as I continue along my path. 

If you’re having a bad week, or a terrible month, or you just can’t seem to break the funk – take a good look at what’s coming up for you.  Take a real good inventory of those arising emotions.  That’s where the focus should be.  The outside stuff will work itself out.  Just keep looking inward.  This is where we need to keep our focus.  You wanna change the world?  Or at least YOUR world?  Well, keep working from the inside out.  Eternal peace often needs to rid itself of suppressed fears, so love yourself enough to allow those fears to dissipate through the mirror of physical reality.  For me, it all started with an earthquake at 3:00 a.m. last week, and here I am almost a week later still having a lot of anxiety.  Good for me.  I’m not anywhere near a place of arrival in my recovery.  It’s a good reminder that I only have right now and right now needs my full awareness and attention!  Never perfection – ALWAYS progress…

Why I Am I Even Here?

I am nothing

You wanted to know me

so I showed up

in the form of you

but you constantly reject yourself

You yearned to be an expression of love

so you chose the human vessel

and you were graciously offered gifts and talents

which you have gravely neglected

You desired to grow in spirit

so you were born with challenges to overcome

and here you are cursing me

for your life being too difficult

You longed for deeper wisdom

the earth provides this to you, in all its mystery

yet you spend your time being distracted by useless things

rather than exploring everything this gracious world has to offer you

You required depth for understanding

this is the reason for your broad spectrum of emotions

yet you drown out your deepest feelings

and hate the appointed ones who draw out emotional experiences for you

You asked to experience joy beyond measure

but joy is hidden beyond fear

Instead of walk through your fear

you have made a quaint little home there

You required to know the truth

so we set up a galactic scavenger hunt

to keep you on the path throughout your life

but you have completely disregarded this path of your soul

and you have focused on the physical

instead of the abstract

you are an artist

yet you’ve chosen to be a beggar

You believe the universe is outside of you

that everything you desire is out of reach

yet you fail to see

that you are the universe

so I cannot help you

until you look in the mirror

and finally see me

this is all up to you

Leading you to water here,
The Big HP

– J. L. Forbes

The Seagull’s Song – “Rythm Over the Blue”

Seagulls
This week my children and I spent several days along the coast discovering new beaches and revisiting our favorites along the way. Three days into our trip, one sprawling beach caught our attention, so we made a day there, frolicking in the sand under an overcast, humid sky. We played along the shoreline in shallow, choppy and inconsistent waves. We chose a less populated spot to picnic, and as I sat there watching my children playing in the water, I understood why not very many people were in this particular area. Behind me was a freshwater pool where gulls flocked in multitudes. Every so often (quite often) the birds would squawk in sync and then fly out to the ocean all together. Above my two children they would flap their white wings and navigate along the ocean in troves, and then about a quarter mile out, they circled back to the beach pond and landed into the shallow water. There were a couple hundred seagulls, at least. I thought of moving away from the noisy birds several times, but something about this strange bird phenomenon intrigued me. What were they doing, exactly? They definitely were not hunting for fish. This was clear. I continued watching the gulls and noted that there was a rhythm. It seemed as if they did this random quarter mile flight about every five minutes, but they did not have a timer, so how did they know when it was time to launch?

At some point I made peace with the squawking, flying birds and decided to stay in the area. Perhaps I could figure out what they were doing. When I felt warm enough, I made my way into the ocean and spent an hour body boarding with my children, assisting my daughter in moving with the body of water after she had been dragged through the sand by a wave. It made her quite nervous, but she quickly moved through her fear. This was a good time to get out while she was feeling confident enough to swim around without me alongside of her. I got back on steady ground, laid upon my beach towel and opened a book I’ve been reading about the poet and sage, Robert Lax who moved to the Greek Isles from America in his early forties and ended up staying there for the remainder of his life. Interestingly, the chapter I was on was about rhythm. Every so often, I found myself looking up from my book to check on my children and to watch the gulls do their flight routine above the water. It was a curious event and I doubted that I would ever figure out the point of their travel pattern. My human mind created scenarios of them being in some sort of bird boot camp. I actually wondered if they were training for something, but most likely they were just there reflecting what I was about to learn. Their purpose for this rhythmic flight may have been nothing more than a demonstration of the rhythm of life.

As I read about Robert Lax’s understanding that our bodies require rhythm in order to flow with life (instead of against it), it occurred to me that I’ve been second guessing myself all along, although I’ve pretty much made a personal art of just going with the flow. Once in a while, I’ve gathered that my movement with the flow of my life is frustrating to the people around me who want things to be a certain way, and are quite fixed in their thinking. People get stuck in their ideas of what should happen next, rather than allowing life to unfold as it may. I used to be this way too. It’s common, but I’ve let go of that need to have things be a certain way. There’s been too many times when things didn’t go my way, and at that moment when I believed things were “off,” a synchronistic event occurred that brought it all together in a way that I could have never predicted. Frustration is a result of expectation. I don’t enjoy being frustrated, you see. I suppose my goal all along has been to find a way to live in a constant state of peace. In my attempts to go with my own flow, I’ve been called “moody,” although my “moods” are a result of needing to reflect inward some days, while other days I’m more extroverted. I’m ok with this way of being. I no longer resist myself, nor do I judge myself for not always being outgoing. Some days I am the life of the party and some days I’m alone in a corner just being quiet. I don’t try to be anything any longer. I’m like a reed in a river just bending with the wakes and wind. The inner calm is constant and whatever is occurring on the outside is mirroring my state of being. Everything is connected, and I’m a part of the whole. Human beings are part of nature, so I have learned to pay attention to how nature lives in harmony, so that I can do the same. Over the course of the year, I’ve thought of myself as random and choppy like the waves, because of someone close to me basically telling me that I’m “off.” According to what other people observe, maybe I seem that way, but I know from being in my own body and mind, that most of the time I’m just trying to find my balance. Nothing more and nothing less. Harmony is extremely important to me, so when I feel “off” I tend to go inward where I can interpret what is going on for me. I’m simply going with my own inner ebb and flow, and when I do things with a sense of well-being and love, my decisions end up having a ripple effect for all people involved. Everything always works out in the end. There really is rhyme and reason behind everything I do, although it isn’t easy to explain to those who are comfortable with a more linear existence.

It took me about two hours to understand that the seagulls had a natural timer driving them to and from the ocean. It was very interesting to say the least. I observed that each time the surf was heavy and thundering, capped with a white funnel, the gulls would squawk loudly and then they would simultaneously fly out above the water, and then turn back around. The surf determined their flow, and a high folding of the waves meant that it was time to go out and do their dance. There was rhyme, but I have yet to understand the reason. I suppose it doesn’t really matter why the birds followed this pattern. It just is. That’s all. And because I was reading about rhythm in that very moment in time, it all came to a full circle of understanding within me.

Like many people, I have always been drawn to the seashore. I am not much of a sailor because I do get sick from the motion, but swimming in the ocean and being near the vast body of water just feels like home to me. While I was out body boarding that afternoon, I felt the rhythm of the sea and it was relaxing. Rather than resisting it, I became part of it. I showed my nervous daughter how to flow with it instead of fear it. She caught on quickly and decided that she absolutely loved the ocean. Such as life. We can either resist what is happening for us, or we can be in a constant state of surrender so that we flow freely through the currents, even when they are unpredictable. When we are aware of the surrounding environment, we learn to dance with it, rather than dread the incoming tides. I’ve spent most of my life resisting, and my life was perilous during that time, but I’ve learned the art of surrender and now I wake up excited about another day. The seagulls taught me something about rhythm last week. They reminded me that it’s a very natural thing to move with life, to take cues from the elements and to not need an explanation. They taught me about poetry in motion and reminded me that I can trust my inner ebb and flow. We all have this natural ability to move in sync with life and it doesn’t matter what the observer sees. I have no idea what those birds were doing out there, but they certainly didn’t make any fuss about me. Harmony doesn’t need a reason. It simply is.

Why Should I Enjoy My Life When the Whole World Seems to Be Falling Apart?

World Peace
We cannot deny the state of affairs in the world. Everything, from lack of water to mutating flus and diseases, unpredictable weather, wars and rumors of wars is occurring all around us. Just yesterday I heard of a tragic armed robbery in the town I grew up in, along with the news of the missile destroyed Malaysia plane with nearly 300 innocent people on board. Things are getting worse, not better. That’s obvious. The root of all our problems has been the same for thousands of years. It’s all about money and power. Leaders wage war on other lands to obtain rights to natural resources, and the common man murders a child’s mother to obtain some cash. It’s devastating to those of us that live our lives in peace just trying to do our part in the world. When we get these kinds of news stories, it feels like we are doing so very little to change the state of the planet. Recycling and being kind to others seem like small gestures that aren’t doing much good. What else can I do? We ask ourselves this question knowing that we can’t stop world leaders from being egotistical warmongers. We can’t bring water to India or Africa. We can only do our part, like we are already doing, while we hear of people suffering around the world, and of people being murdered.

I used to become very depressed because I felt so helpless in the grand scheme of things, but instead of paying attention to myself and the world around me, I self-destructed. When I figured out that my body is an entire universe, and that the world around me is given to me so that I can be responsible toward it, I realized that by changing my perspective and my attitude, life became much more bearable. In fact, I am incredibly happy and light-hearted now, even about the events occurring in the world. One thing I know is that there is a much bigger picture playing out than our eyes can see and our ears can hear. Something significant is happening on this planet that we cannot even fathom. A greater purpose is in the works, and we must understand that things must be broken down in order to be restored (recovered). The planet is in a state of denial, but soon, the people who are in charge will see that this way of greed and lust for money and power is no longer serving them. When all our resources have been exhausted and when the common people decide that we no longer want this hierarchy/minority way of life because we understand that everyone is equal in spirit, there will be a great rise of the people, and then a surrendering of the egos. We will begin shedding our old ways and we will recover.

For those of us who dream of world peace, we need to understand that we can’t have peace without breaking down the old systems, patterns, governments, religions and institutionalized ways of thinking. During this process there will be a time of upheaval. How do I know all this? Because as a human being I went through it on an individual level. Everything that occurs on an atomic level, is a reflection of what happens on a universal scale. There are seven billion of us right now witnessing a time of great change on the planet. This has never occurred before. Isn’t it ironic that there are more people on the earth than there has ever been during this intense time? Doesn’t it seem like perhaps we all wanted to be here for this great event? If you are spiritual like me, then you know that this one human life is but a grain of sand on the universal shore. We live several lives as our spirit journeys and explores. When someone dies, it is not the end of them. The ones who suffer are the ones who are left behind, but that soul (those souls in the plane) live on, and perhaps even come back here in another human body to assist the planet in it’s great metamorphous.

I’m not of the belief that a savior is going to come back in a cloud and save his people by removing them from what is occurring on the planet. I’ve met several Atheists over the last few years, who (by far) are the most responsible human beings I have ever known. It taught me a great deal about my own irresponsibility as a so-called “Christian.” I grew up thinking that I didn’t have to worry about what I was doing or how I was being because Jesus was going to take care of everything for me. He was going to take responsibility for me and remove me (along with the other Christians) from this horrific planet. When it occurred to me that this may not happen, I did a one-eighty in my life. I went through an incredible process of awakening. I had a dream that I was standing in a mirror, and there I reflected the Christ body. Christ wasn’t only within me, but Christ was me. This is not an egotistical “I AM GOD” claim. This is an incredibly empowering understanding I received, that changed my entire way of being. During that time I was also brought to a higher consciousness experience where everyone I encountered was me, and also, I was everyone whom I encountered. There was no separateness between human beings. We were all one. I was living with an Atheist at the time, who was one of the most considerate human beings I had ever known. She took complete responsibility for herself and her way of being because she didn’t believe that a savior was going to come and save her. She trusted that she was here to save herself. I got that, in a BIG way. If I am the Christ and the Christ is me, then I must be saved through myself and the second coming must be a great human awakening. Even if it doesn’t mean this, and I am wrong again, the one thing I got out of it is that I AM responsible for this moment, which is the only thing occurring. We can wait around for a savior, or we can realize that we are the savior. And that’s how I choose to live now. It was scary as hell to receive this understanding because I had never taken responsibility before, thinking that Jesus was going to do it for me. All along I had been negating my wholeness while awaiting someone else’s return. The truth was – all along I was waiting for me to return to myself. It also told me something, however, when I was afraid to be responsible. It said to me that I have been very irresponsible, which was ultimately a very ungodly way to be.

The bottom line is that in order to change the world, you must first change yourself. You must change your old patterns of thinking, break down your belief systems, shed old behaviors and get down to the place in yourself that is ultimate love and peace. Then, and only then, will you discover that the state of the planet is merely a reflection of the consciousness of the individual. Once we all begin waking up (which we are), so will the entire planet. In the meantime, there will be wars, tragedy and catastrophe, but such as the human being when it is making a great shift. When we are recovering from our addictions, it feels as if our world is caving in for a time, but as we move through it and continue recovering, we are eventually liberated. The planet is at the end stages of her denial. She will wake up and she will surrender, and by honoring your own self, by being joyful in the moment, and by taking responsibility, you are assisting her in her great metamorphous.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JLForbes

Forgiveness is Not for the Other Person

Forgiveness
Children learn by example. The other day I was in the car with my twelve year old daughter and out of nowhere she said, “Mom, you are a really forgiving person.” My body was filled with chills from her words. It wasn’t like I’ve been trying to preach forgiveness to her; I’ve merely been walking my path knowing that she is paying more attention to my actions than my words. It touched my heart that she would bring this up and it opened a door for me to explain something valuable to her.

“Thank you for saying that. I am a forgiving person. I always have been a forgiving person. It comes very naturally to me, but not everyone forgives very easily.” She was listening so I went on. “I learned a long time ago that it takes much more energy to remain angry than it does to simply let things go. And if I’m angry, then I’m the one who is suffering. When you forgive, you set yourself free. When you stay mad, it’s like drinking your own poison, or deliberately swallowing hot coals. I really don’t want to waste my life being angry or jealous toward other people. It’s much easier to just forgive. Life is too short.” She took my words in and we talked about it for a little while. She gave me an example of where she observed me being forgiving. She sat silent afterward and I wondered what she was thinking about. Perhaps this was a moment in her life where she would deeply understand the precious value in forgiving a friend for hurting her feelings.

We derive from a Christian family, and she is very receptive to what the Bible says, so when I talk to her about my way of life, I always refer to the teachings of Christ. I don’t care what the Hebrew laws were in the Bible. I certainly do not take the Bible literally. I don’t pay much attention to the words of his followers after Jesus ascended. Very few people understood his message, including his disciples who also took his words literally. His message was simply compassion, which has been the message of all the major prophets throughout history. When I explained to my daughter about forgiveness, I referred to Christ’s very simple message of compassion. Learning compassion is a way of life. It is not an easy way to live, yet it is the most simple way to be.

There are a lot of things we could all be angry about, but how many times have we wronged others and screwed up in our lives? How many second and third chances have we been given? I’ve even heard so called spiritual people say things like, “Forgive but don’t forget.” There are all kinds of philosophies around forgiveness, but when you live a life in spiritual freedom, and you understand that your entire walk in faith is about constantly letting go (of everything), it won’t matter how people behave because you won’t be trying to get something out of them. You won’t be plotting your life out, trying to impress others, looking for acceptance, or making things happen the way you want them to occur. Most importantly, other people’s behaviors will not affect you. You will simply wake up in the morning without thought of yesterday or worry of tomorrow. You will live your day according to how it pans out and talk to people who come into your experience, while being present with them. You learn not to get caught up into any drama, which is happening all around you, yet you will be so aware of it that it’s impossible to get snagged into it. Often I play along, but I’m only playing along. Situations that arise between people are not real to me. The truth lies somewhere between the lines of physical reality and emotion. I pay attention to arising emotion, and if there are no emotions arising, then I am able to partake in dialogue without being a participant in the drama – kind of like an actor. Most of the time because I’m not interested in the drama, other people don’t include me in it, which makes my life a hell of a lot easier. I also don’t go around planning things any longer. If people want to spend time with me, I’m open to that. It doesn’t matter how they are as a person. I simply don’t care. I’m not trying to get anything out of anyone. I just walk in my spiritual freedom and let things flow through me without any agenda, which gives me the freedom to not be hurt by others. And when I do find myself with an agenda, I take a step back and let go again.

I used to be a really controlling person. I wanted things to work out a certain way. I wanted others to feel a certain way about me. I based the way I felt by how people responded to me. That’s a really high maintenance way to live. Who has time and energy for that? I suppose it’s because I’m getting older and I’ve grown up a bit, but whatever the case, I simply do not put much thought into daily situations (sitcoms) any longer. If I’m faced with intense drama, I try to deal with it as soon as possible, but above all else, I let things go. In fact, I let things go so quickly now that I forget why I was even mad toward another person. Being mad at someone is like carrying their weight around while they are out there living their life. It’s really pointless, and toxic to your body. Being angry and remaining stressed or hurt places your body in an acidic state, which is cancerous. Forgiveness and letting go keeps your body alkaline, which is healthy. If anything, forgive others for your own health!

Forgiveness for some people is not an easy thing to do. If this is the case for you, might I suggest that you look at your life situation and see how many people are taking up space in your head. I would guess that there are plenty, which is indicative that there is a great opportunity for you to practice forgiveness right this very moment. We are always offered opportunities to grow and to practice spiritual freedom by the way the world and people respond to us. Most of the time we are blind to this so we react. We are incredibly ignorant about the inner journey of life. We don’t see that the world is staged for our spiritual and emotional development. If people in your life are constantly bringing up anger for you, then they are simply reflecting what you need to work on within yourself. They are not your enemies. They are your teachers. Once your lesson is learned, they will either move on from you, or you will become the best of friends. I know this from experience. Take the opportunity to practice forgiveness –or don’t, and remain on the merry-go-round.

I don’t like preaching forgiveness – I simply live it and don’t put too much thought into it, but I felt it was relevant today because it is an important way to respond to life, especially in recovery. Sometimes I read someone’s blog, or watch a YouTube video that is so parallel to what I’m facing in my life – so when a topic comes up for me as I’m about to blog each morning, I write about it knowing that someone out there will relate. This came up for me today, so here it is plain and simple. Forgiveness is not easy for everyone, but it sets you free, so I highly recommend it. There are plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness, and once you learn it and become it, you will discover that people won’t prod and poke you toward your anger any longer. Keep walking the internal journey and noticing that the outside circumstances are there to point you in the right direction – right back to yourself!

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that that violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it” – Mark Twain

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