The infamous VOID that we’re constantly trying to fill, cannot be filled because it is already full and the lid is tightly sealed. I know this from experience. Everything I tried to fill myself with eventually brought more emptiness. I don’t need to go into this because we all know about temporary fixes. What we don’t all know about is that the void is wreaking havoc on your life because it’s yearning to be explored. There is nothing more cavernous and beckoning than the void inside of each human being, but rather than give it our full attention, we try to shut it off because we secretly think it’s going to kill us. On the contrary. That cave inside of you is the richest part of your human experience. If only you would sit with it for quite some time and learn to acknowledge it; you will discover that there is a treasure inside of you simply waiting to be opened.
One of the men at my home group has been coming back as a newcomer for weeks. He gets thirty days and spoils it. Over and over. He is in a lot of pain. I’ve been there before and I hear him speak about the void that is inside of him and how he used filled it with women, but now he’s filling it with God. I understand all of this. I understand that many of us think that God is the one who is supposed to fill that void, but I will tell you something that I don’t think I’ve ever said before. God never stopped me from taking a drink. God never stopped me from self-destructing. Filling my void with God didn’t remove the cravings, nor did God remain in there so tightly that it filled up my void completely. Like sealing cracks around a window, the air always finds its way through, and God never took up all of that empty space inside of me. There is nothing that can fill that space because it’s not a space at all. It’s a place of yearning. Its a place of essence. It’s the very core of YOU, and its begging for your exploration.
You’ve ignored yourself for several years. There is so much entertainment, too many distractions, a bazillion people wanting your attention. You spend your energy trying to achieve their approval and acceptance. There is a career, possibly there are children, and so many relationships require your time. If you’re religious, Jesus needs your attention too, and if you’re into technology, then you’ve kept yourself occupied with plenty of computer stuff. Movies, games, meals, sex, TV shows… it’s enough to draw anyone away from themselves for decades. And the void seems to get louder. It’s aching inside of you and it’s begging for your attention, so you fill it with even more outside stuff and suddenly you discover yourself in a self-destructive cycle. WHAM! Then you’re finally left with nothing except for you and that disturbing, terrorizing void. You can cry over that void because it makes you miserable. It’s irritating and longing for one thing only. That one thing is not God. It’s you.
Hang out with your emptiness and learn about that space inside of you. It’s not going to kill you to feel lonely, or to desperately ache. That feeling of void is the neglect that you have offered to yourself throughout your life. It’s sadness. It’s pain from being abused by you. It’s your own self longing for your friendship. Haven’t you ever wondered why there is a void? Perhaps it’s not a void at all. What if it is everything you’ve ever dreamed about, wrapped up inside a beautiful box just waiting for your arrival? And it was getting louder and louder because it has been waiting for so damn long? Come back home… it calls to you. Love me… it beckons. Like a little child missing a long lost parent.
The void is not emptiness longing to be filled. It’s a rich trove, begging to be opened. Walk down into that cavernous space of yourself and discover what it’s like to open a treasure that fills up every crevasse of your being. Stop running. Stop fixing. Stop pretending you aren’t aching just like everyone else on this planet. The only difference between you and the person who is filled with serenity, is that they finally stopped fighting their emptiness and accepted the gift that was yearning to be discovered.