Striving for Wholeness Rather Than Greatness

Be Yourself

It is interesting to me how we think of ourselves versus the actual way we are, or how other people perceive us. I often think of the most influential people that I have met, and how the world around them upholds them in a certain light, yet their family rolls their eyes at their antics. The persona they uphold is powerful, yet their personal life is quite possibly lacking something; perhaps attention to detail. I know comedians often repeat their jokes in different settings, which can get incredibly old and taxing on a significant other who hears the same thing over and over. I’ve met pastors who hold their congregation to high standards while their children were out in the world causing havoc. I think I’ve seen these types of gaps in people’s lives enough to pay attention to myself and how I’m putting something out in the world that I’m not exactly paying attention to in my immediate affairs. The images we hide behind create incredible illusions. How many people do we meet that are genuine and transparent? I find those kinds of people to be humble and fascinating; more so than those who can talk a good talk.

I had a conversation with someone yesterday about how money changes some people, and how it doesn’t affect the way other people behave in the world. I brought up the fact that I want to be one of those people who treats everyone the same, whether they are famous, infamous, or living on the streets. I recall so many times when I’ve entered into places where I felt extremely uncomfortable, and someone of significance approached me and graciously made me feel welcome. I’ve also been in several settings where I was snubbed for not wearing the right attire or appearing the role. Just the other night while walking around downtown in my sweats, my daughter and I took a stroll inside a new art gallery. They were having an open house. Not one person treated us like we were welcome there. If I had been wearing something different, I’m certain I would have gotten at least a handshake or a nod. But nope. We were treated like outsiders and ignored. I am the same exact person whether I’m wearing a gown, or a pair of jeans. It’s so funny how people treat me differently according to what I’m wearing.

We put so much emphasis on our looks and how we appear to the world, but since I’ve worked on myself from the inside out, I easily see through people’s personas. I can tell when someone is guarded, or when they are hiding behind a thick mask of illusion. I can see people who do not even know that they are hiding behind masks, and those that think they have it all going on, yet their lack of self-worth is casually leaking through. I think back to myself when I was in their shoes and wonder how many people saw right through me. I used to be a great actress. Now I’m embarrassed when I find myself in a situation where I’m trying to impress someone, or when I throw out an impressive image to hide my insecurities. More than anything, I just want to remember that I am no better than the person standing next to me. I have worked hard on myself, but I also vividly recall what it was like to be uncomfortable in my own skin, and how it feels to suffer. I try to offer my most genuine self to new people now, although it’s tricky to be genuine 100% of the time. Many people have a way of expecting impressive stories or pulling out that mask of mine that I’ve tried to leave behind. The world is filled with people who want to impress the world.

Before I go into a new place where I might feel uncomfortable, I do a simple little meditation to ground myself. I pretend that I am a tree and I imagine my roots going deep into the earth and then wrapping themselves around the earth’s core. I do this so that I feel like I’m rooted deeply in who I am, rather than being easily swayed by the people in the room. If I feel grounded, I’m less likely to feel insecure or to need to hide behind some weird mask. I think many people struggle with social anxiety, which is why many of us drank to begin with, and why many people do drink in social settings. I want to be one of those people that can walk into any room and feel magnificent in my own skin. I’m working on it… (one day at a time). I don’t beat myself up (however) when I do find myself feeling insecure or when I go back to my old ways and hide behind images. I am compassionate with myself, knowing that I’m still learning and growing. I understand that I have a long way to go. It is not a negative thing to feel insecure. It simply shines a light on what I need to work on in myself. When I sense other people feeling insecure, I offer that graciousness that has so often been offered to me in the past. There is nothing like someone who treats another human being like they are more than welcome, no matter who they are or how they appear. I know how good I’ve felt when someone “greater than me” has treated me like their equal. It can really give a person wings.

I would rather have nothing of significance, or to be no one of significance, but to have been known as someone who was genuine, and also someone who made others feel welcome. I feel like it has taken most of my life to get to know myself, and I want to honor that self of mine, rather than try to be someone I’m not, or to appear better than I am. Humility is not something to shy away from. It is a cloak of integrity, and the shelter that keeps us in alignment with who we truly are. I used to want to be like every other person. Now I realize that I am the only person who can be me, and I am so incredibly excited about sharing my uniqueness to the surrounding world. Being who you are is the greatest gift you can give to the world. It is also satisfying and noncompetitive. It’s simple and free. I think my greatest life lesson has been that when I had nothing, I was still me. I was still alive and there. There was nothing lacking. I try to carry that with me wherever I go now, and it has completely set me free.

Self-Love and Self-Acceptance is Not Just About Rockin’ the Curves

All about the bass

As catchy as this tune is, it still reinforces that women should feel good about their bodies because men like them a certain way.  “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night…” REALLY?!  As a full grown woman in this twisted-ass society, I am so SICK of feeling like I have to impress men with my body, or even worse – get their acceptance of MY BODY.  I’ve done the math and figured out that the men who are attracted to me for my body – no matter if it’s when I’m thin as a rail, thick and curvy from being bloated from drinking, a little chubby from depression eating, or fit and athletic looking – those men are scumbags.  I’ve had all the body types with the exception of being obese (because I’ve been a consciously healthy eater throughout my life), and I’m going to be brave and admit right now that in all of my ever-changing wardrobes from size 0 to size 12, I’ve always been concerned about how I appeared to men.  Throughout my womanhood I’ve been hit on by married men, arrogant asshole men, men hanging out of their low-riding cars flashing their grills making cat calls, old men, much-too-young men, and “sophisticated” men.  For YEARS this made me feel good about myself.  BARF!  Here is what I want to say to those men – I NO LONGER NEED YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF ME TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL.  FUCK OFF ALREADY!

I used to look in the mirror and detest my freckles.  I spent hundreds of dollars and too many years trying to hide my natural, lovely freckles.  When I got to rehab for alcoholism (because I completely self-destructed while trying to live up to other people’s standards) – for SIX MONTHS I was not allowed to wear make-up. So guess what?  I had to either accept my freckles or spend the entire time obsessing about them.  I chose to accept them, and the funny thing was, no one cared about my damn freckles.  The only thing I ever heard about my freckles from my peers was how darned cute they were.  I began looking in the mirror and seeing what other people saw – a confident woman who had more on her mind than appearing perfect. In that six month period where I was not the center of attention for once, I learned to love my face without the make-up.  I noticed the kindness behind my amber eyes and the way they smiled when I smiled.  I noticed my dimples and the radiance of my ivory skin – all the things I’d never noticed about myself before because I was too busy trying to cover up my freckles.

When I accepted my freckles I stopped caring what other people thought about them.  The obsession was gone.  I could finally walk around without make-up not thinking anything about the spots on my face. What freedom! How liberating! It took thirty-five flippen years for me to get to that place, but the last thing I’m going to ever say to my daughter about this is, “Men love freckles, so you should embrace them.”  Oh HELL NO.  It doesn’t matter what men think of my freckles.  I LOVE my freckles.  That’s all that matters.

Same goes for the ole’ body.  I’ve had body image problems all my life just like the rest of the women in society.  I still do, but I am working on overcoming them and I take care of my body because I not only want to look good – I also want to feel good for as long as possible.  Several years ago I went and had breast implants because I felt like my shoulders were too broad for my size B-cup boobs.  I was very insecure about my breasts, especially because I noticed that most men were into larger breasts.  I tell people I had this surgery done for myself, but the truth is, I wanted to feel better about myself through the likes of men, and I also wanted to appear more confident than I felt inside.  Instead of accepting my body the way it was, I transformed it.  I don’t exactly have regrets, but often I notice the way men look at them and sexualize me rather than notice other things about me, like how I articulate myself.  I have gotten to a place in my life where I do not think much about my breasts at all.  More important to me is how present I am in any given situation.  I think about the state of my soul more than I care about the way my breasts appear.  I care about laughing and about noticing the beauty in the world.  I care about what comes up for me emotionally through the mirrors of other people.  The inner body is much more real to me than the one that is going to eventually grow old and wither.  When I go out in the world now, I am not thinking about attracting men.  I am much more interested in the magic of being alive.  I am fulfilled as a human being – as a confident woman.  I no longer need the acceptance of a man to help me feel good, or better about myself.  In fact, there hasn’t been a man yet who’s come along and offered me more confidence and love than I have for myself today.

I’ve had plenty of boyfriends who’ve told me I was beautiful when I didn’t think I was beautiful, and their compliments never penetrated my being the way I feel about myself now. Some of those men did not hesitate to tear me apart when our relationship was not working out in the end. If I had valued myself through their lustful eyes, I would have also devalued myself when they were knocking me down. I knew better. I knew I was worth more than a man’s shifty opinion of me.

How did I get to the point of genuine self-acceptance? I stopped fucking lying to myself about everything.  I looked past my facade. I stopped acting happy when I was angry.  I stopped “being nice” when I was feeling annoyed.  I began knowing myself through the wave of my emotions.  I listened to my negative thinking and got interested in my behaviors.  I stopped conforming to the outside world and became a watcher of my inner world.  I stopped distracting myself from my pain and began sitting with the pain.  It fucken hurt and I continued sitting with it.  I cried a lot.  I stopped being fake and just started getting real with myself.  I stopped telling myself that I was all of these positive things that were not true, including the one where I said I felt good about myself.  I was a liar.  I was a manipulator.  I was scared as shit about everything and everyone. I hated myself. I hated myself. I hated myself. I rejected myself although I spent years perfecting an image that looked like I was incredibly confident about who I was. All lies. I was terrified.

Stop worrying about shedding weight and begin focusing on shedding all the bullshit you tell yourself. You are not a victim. If you haven’t FELT yourself through your emotions, then you don’t know yourself, and if you don’t know yourself, you cannot accept yourself.  Stop hiding from your pain.  When people brought up raw emotion for me, I thought they were my enemies until I realized that the raw emotion was mine. If pain was coming up for me through other people’s words, then those people were merely guides pointing me back to myself so that I could see myself for what I was.  I stopped running from the raw emotion and began getting curious about it.  It came up for me a lot – for several years – and sometimes it still comes up, but I don’t reject it or resist it anymore.  I welcome it.  I welcome it because it’s coming up so that it can clear out, so that I can be the whole person that I truly am.  I faced myself.  I faced my demons.  I stopped being afraid of the inner universe and began exploring it.  THAT’s how I’ve come to love myself.  That’s how I’ve learned acceptance for ME. 

When people poke and prod at me now, and bring up things I used to be insecure about – I can actually laugh with them instead of getting defensive.  YES I know I’m controlling.  HA HA HA!  Yes these boobs are fake! Ha! I know that about myself and I am working on the character defects, but you cannot hurt me by pointing them out.  I’m aware of these things about myself and I accept myself for all of my character defects.  After all, they are not who I am. I’m growing every day and walking more and more in the awareness of my soul, rather than in the fragments of my mind.  So again, I don’t give a shit about what men think about me or my body.  I don’t even think of men much anymore (not that I’ve gone rebelliously lesbian – I’ve just got a lot more going on now than needing a man in my life).  I’ve never gotten my confidence through them.  Through facing myself in all my emotional facets – through being aware of my thought patterns and behaviors – I’ve become not only confident about myself, I’ve also discovered my wholeness and completeness.

“Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top,” may sound good in theory, but I seriously doubt it rings true to many women out there because many of us are lying to ourselves about how we truly feel inside.  And if you don’t feel good on the inside, you cannot feel genuinely good about what you’re rocking on the outside.  Do you even know how you appear to others when you look perfect on the outside, yet you lack inner confidence? You look like an insecure, self-centered narcissist who spends way too much time in the mirror. People see right through that shit and it is incredibly unattractive.

Self-awareness is the path to self-acceptance.  It takes a lot of work and a lot of courage to enter into yourself, but if you want to walk out of your house each morning not just saying you’re confident, but actually BEING confident, take the inner journey.  Be the brave and self-assured woman that you claim you are.  Put your money where your mouth is.  Take a full inventory of yourself and after you realize who you really are beneath the façade, you will discover that you are lacking NOTHING.  You are EVERYTHING my dear, but it’s up to you to truly FEEL this about yourself instead of just portraying it to the world.  When you truly accept yourself, and truly love who you are, you will see through people’s bullshit like never before, and all those men that you long to attract now will seem like monkeys to you at that point.  You will realize how absurd it is to get acceptance from people who do not even truly accept themselves. You’ll understand how much more you deserve and you will value yourself enough to stay single until the right person comes along and enhances what you already have.  You don’t need a man to validate you.  You need to stop listening to these ridiculous songs about rocking your curves for the boys, and get beneath the skin of yourself.  Transform yourself from the inside out and your beautiful soul will eventually shine through.

P.S. For men reading this who feel yourself offended, you need to do an inventory of yourself too. Women have been defining themselves through the eyes of men for way too long, and if you haven’t noticed this planet is unbalanced as hell. Stop sexulizing everything. Utilize your life for something worth living for, which is certainly not just sex. Make something of yourself. God gave you a whole body and mind, yet all you think about is your penis and what turns you on. We are over it already. While you’ve been jacking-off to porn, this world has gone to shit. There are greater things to accomplish in this lifetime. Wake the fuck up.

http://www.amazon.com/J.L.-Forbes/e/B00HS980ZI/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1414348436&sr=1-1

Feeling Overwhelmed? GOOD!

Lion

When life is challenging and I when feel overwhelmed, it tends to shadow my inner spark.  I was looking around yesterday and it felt as if a veil of boredom and dread overcame me.  What has changed?  I asked myself, and then it hit me that my daughter has began school again and the traffic to work and back has been heavier than usual (not to mention the ongoing road construction to and from the office).  The old stale routine of American life is hitting me hard.  I recall my dad driving me to school each morning and how I would fade into my own inner darkness about the imposed and dreadful routine of our lives.  I’m an artist.  There is nothing more frightening to me than a stale and predictable daily routine.  I don’t enjoy that our lives are institutionalized.  I’m so fortunate to have a job where I have a lot of freedom, but the drive there always reminds me that I am still surviving by having a job.  I mean, my soul wants to soar, but in order to pay the bills, I’ve got to do the 9 – 3 thing (thank god it’s only part-time).  To top it off we are getting ready to move again (third time in a year) and my body is clinching up in complete resistance to the thought of having to get settled in, yet, another place.  This one is permanent though, so I can at least relax a little in that knowing.  And the idea of feeling settled and secure is delightful, but getting there feels like I’m scratching my nails along a chalkboard. 

I woke up feeling tense, not present about the loveliness of everything beautiful surrounding me, but heavy with that same old dread.  Deep inside, the joy is there knowing that everything is going to be fine.  I know this.  I feel it, but old thought patterns and fears like to brew.  What is it that I need right now?  I ask myself.  Just some good old fashioned grace, and for things to fall into place with ease is all.  Then I was graciously reminded of my own inner strength and how when I am challenged like this, that this is my chance to tap into that inner lion.  It’s not time to fold or to become depressed.  It’s time to stand up strong and to use all of my strength and courage to move through this heaviness.  We forget how incredibly strong we are.  We miss the whole point of life’s challenges.  I have everything in me to overcome my worries, my fears, my stress.  I am grateful (although hesitant) that I am given the mundane physical realm as a roadmap to tap into the depths of myself.  I have resources beyond what the eyes can see.  Time to bust those out.  Time to roar!  (You have nothing on me, Miss Perry).

Regardless of how I am feeling, I can still practice kindness, give myself to others, be a light and trust that I’m being guided.  I will remain sober (although Xanax is frequenting my thoughts lately).  I am stronger than I realize.  I am an overcomer.  I am headed in the right direction with my life, so I definitely should trust each experience I’m having as a guiding post toward my greatest desires.  We can’t climb mountains without feeling dulled at times, and raw during the climb.  Everything I’m feeling is contributing to my beautiful journey, even if the view is obscured right now.   This mundane path is not eternal.  That’s for certain.  And if it goes on too long, I’ve got wings to fly.  I will utilize those babies if I can’t stand the treading any longer.

I used to try to find a way out of the discomfort, but I’ve learned to flow with it instead.  It’s all here serving a purpose for my greater good.  My well-being is always considered, but there are times when the universe gives us great opportunities to utilize our strength and our courage.  It tests us to see if what we say we want, is what we truly want in life.  It doesn’t give us more than we can handle.  We are loved beyond measure.  We are constantly being guided and protected and reminded that everything is connected.  I don’t need to run anymore.  I simply need to stand strong and trust my experience as a gateway toward my dreams coming true.  I am strong.  I am courageous.  I am aware.  I’m climbing a terrific mountain here.  Perspective, perspective, perspective.  Oh, and… ROAR!!!

 

Recognizing Stressful Sitations as a Process for Inner Awareness

woman meditating on rock

WOW it’s been a week!  Too much going on, yet no way to slow it down.  I don’t know what planets are aligned where or if Mercury is in retro-freaking-grade, or if Gemini is being eclipsed by whatever, but I feel like a frigging tennis ball.  Friday finally approached, just before a three day holiday I’m having with my family out on our private river island (oasis from this hellish week), and it turns out to be the most stressful day of all.  Unexpected twists and turns – a roller coaster of a day and evening, and none of it was fun, except when I finally sat down in bed last night and saw a really funny FB post.  Laughter certainly eased my anxiety, but then there were the dreams.  More stress, twists and turns and then I found myself purchasing a big bottle of god-knows-what at a liquor store. Drinking dreams.  They’ve come up a lot this week.  The worst ones are so realistic.  I drink and actually feel drunk.  I smell the booze and the next day I cannot recall anything from the night before.  It’s all too realistic for me.  This morning, my nerves are like the tattered strings of an old violin.  I’m spent. 

We all go through off-days and off-weeks.  I haven’t had anything like this come up for me in such a long time that I actually believed I’d transcended chaos.  Ha!  It’s good for me to know that I’m still in the running for Gandhi’s successor (I am so just kidding – trust me I really need sarcasm as a crutch today).  The truth is, I stopped looking at physical situations as “reality” and have come to a place where I understand these situations arise so that I can actually feel what’s going on for me – the inner reality.  I’ve been in fear all week.  I mean, anxiety central right here.  It hasn’t been constant, but there have been several occurrences that have brought up so much fear in me that I could not even pretend to be at peace.  And thank god for that.  I don’t like being delusional about myself.  I want to know what’s really going on with me.  I want my awful ugly side to come up once in a while so that I can get a good look at it and remember that I am human.  Life is not a fairy prance.  It’s raw.  It’s sometimes terrifying, and it comes with unexpected cliff hangers.  I don’t particularly like being on the edge, but it keeps me real.  It helps the suppressed fears to bubble up so that I can shine a light on those fears and release them out of my body.  These twists and turns are like physical exfoliation of my suppressed emotions.  Ugh, it sucks, but man I’m so grateful to be aware of myself, instead of thinking the world is coming up against me.  On the contrary.  It’s time for me to release some of this fear.  It’s time for me to be aware that it’s deep down inside of me.  It’s about time I faced it and had a little rendezvous with my old suppressed acquaintances.  The truth is, nothing BAD really happened this week, although a lot of things could have went “wrong,” and they still could go “wrong,” but now that I’m aware of my fears, I can easily accept any “wrong” that does happen because it isn’t the situation occurring.  It’s truly about facing those fears that come up when those situations bring it on.

I’ve been in jail.  I’ve lost everything.  I’ve faced the entire world on the Oprah show regarding a traumatic DUI involving my child.  People probably wonder why I’m so open about my life and my break ups and all the other shit that comes up for me.  I’m not afraid of other people’s judgment.  That’s LONG gone.  Don’t care what people think about me when I’m being true to who I am.  What I am afraid of, are other things that came up for me this week.  So it’s good that they came up for me through the mirror of physical reality.  I’m quite aware of my fears right now, and I’m not beating myself up for how I feel or my mistakes or for simply being human.  I’m merely taking a good look at myself and asking for guidance as I continue along my path. 

If you’re having a bad week, or a terrible month, or you just can’t seem to break the funk – take a good look at what’s coming up for you.  Take a real good inventory of those arising emotions.  That’s where the focus should be.  The outside stuff will work itself out.  Just keep looking inward.  This is where we need to keep our focus.  You wanna change the world?  Or at least YOUR world?  Well, keep working from the inside out.  Eternal peace often needs to rid itself of suppressed fears, so love yourself enough to allow those fears to dissipate through the mirror of physical reality.  For me, it all started with an earthquake at 3:00 a.m. last week, and here I am almost a week later still having a lot of anxiety.  Good for me.  I’m not anywhere near a place of arrival in my recovery.  It’s a good reminder that I only have right now and right now needs my full awareness and attention!  Never perfection – ALWAYS progress…

Most People Are a Slave to Something – Are You a Slave to Something?

Slave

When I was growing up in church and playing the piano for our youth group (over fifteen years ago now – MAN I’m getting old), one of my favorite song’s chorus was “Break through the chains, in my life. Tear down the strongholds and the walls.  Deliver me from all bondage and strife.  That I may hear when you call.  I give you my all.”  We sang this over and over, feeling the power in the affirmation to break free from those chains.  At the time I thought of marijuana as my chain because I smoked a lot of it and loved it, and lived a double life because of it.  I probably thought of sex too, as a chain, although I was monogamous with the one boyfriend that became my husband.  I loved him dearly, but felt guilty about the intimacy we shared because we were taught in church that if we were not married, that sex was wrong.  I had no idea at the time that I was a slave to more than just marijuana and sex.  I was a slave to fear, to religion, to other people’s ideas and beliefs.  Bottom line – I was a slave.  I had no sovereignty like I have now.  I didn’t know who I was, which direction I was going, what my purpose for being here was, or my relationship with the surrounding world.  I was completely lost.  ‘Amazing Grace’ was one of my favorite songs at the time too, but when I sang the words (“I once was lost, but now I’m found”) – I was lying.  I was not found.  I was still completely lost.  You see, I was going outside of my own inner light to attach myself to a belief system.  I had no idea that I was part of something greater.

If you are a slave to something, you are probably quite aware of it.  But if you aren’t aware of your dependence on something, how do you find out if you are a slave?  It is really simple… Without it, there will be a grave state of fear in place of that “something.”   If you are afraid to let something go in your life… BINGO! (a.k.a. indication of slavery).

Case and point – I am a fairly spiritual person (really?), and when I first left the rehabilitation center after six months of rigorous treatment, I was challenged by my peers about it.  I was at a place in my recovery then that I was able to look at myself and see myself without debating the people confronting me, or being defensive about my “ways.”  I looked at how I was navigating in the world and realized that I may have been using spirituality as a crutch in order to feel better about reality.  So I willfully let my spiritual side go.  It terrified me to let it go, but I was willing to test the waters without my mask of “spirituality.”  I trusted the process because we were taught to shed our masks in order become whole and firmly rooted.  I walked around Berkeley and went to my two jobs without any thought toward God or the power in my life, or the magic surrounding me.  I simply took on the rawness and mundaneness of the physical world.  It was intense for me, but it taught me something about myself.  You see, I was AFRAID to let that part of myself go.  I was scared to “not be spiritual.”  This was a good indication that I was a slave to my “way of being.” 

For several months I walked in the rawness of reality and it was then that I found my balance.  It was there that I became rooted in who I was (which is exactly where we want to be).  I was not living a personification of joy.  I was not deflecting every situation into a “spiritual lesson.”  Some things in life are just shitty and it’s ok to admit this and to be aware of it.  I was tested and tried in myself.  I felt pulled from the inside out.  I was forced to walk through my fear of boredom and to look at things as they were without insight or philosophy.  It was a time when my repressed emotions came to swallow me whole.  I allowed them to overcome me, and I discovered that I was NOT at peace.  I was not at peace like I believed I was.  This was abundantly clear through my current of my emotions.  So I continued shedding that mask of being a “spiritual person” and simply walked in the world as a human being, which was full of dynamic contrast and incredibly beautiful.  You know what happened?  I woke up.

When I got to a place where I was no longer afraid, is when I knew that I had something solid in my life.  I understood then that I didn’t need the crutch of spirituality.  You see, I became whole in myself.  I understood that I was responsible for my life.  I understood that I was responsible for what thoughts I bought into, and which ones I could toss aside but more than anything, I learned how to feel my way through life.  I saw things for what they were without the rose colored glasses, and felt every emotion that arose from within me, and it was invigorating.  I walked through my fear of letting go – THAT was powerful.  What was on the other side of my fear?  ME.  Just simply me along with my constant river of emotions.  And it is up to me to reach inside myself to discover that inner light.  I had it all along.  I didn’t need to cloak myself in spirituality.  I simply learned to center myself from the inside out, which a spiritually balanced way of being. The human experience accompanies our soul journey. There really is no separation.  When I talk of spiritual things now, and share my insights, it is because I am truly experienced in my walk of faith.  I am solid.  I share with a genuine knowing instead of sharing a belief. 

If you have something in your life that scares the shit out of you to relinquish, then it is a clear indication that you are a slave to that something.  Do yourself a favor and let it go.  Walk away from it.  Put it down.  Recondition yourself to live without it.  Step out in faith.  Be courageous.  Be sovereign.  Be set free from that bondage.  If it is a belief – challenge and test the belief until it becomes a knowing. And in the words of one of my favorite church songs, “Break through the chains in my life.  Tear down the strongholds and the walls…”  Hallelujah – AMEN!

 

 

How About a Little Encouragement… Just for Today!

Encouragment

No matter what you are going through right now, trust that it is an opportunity for growth.  Regard it as a challenge on the vast field of life and know that when you overcome it, there will be victory.  We are not helpless.  We are incredibly brilliant people.  Each and every one of us.  Some of us simply have not tuned into their own inner light.  Many are lost because they do not know their potential, and so many people in the world are chasing temporary pleasures instead of diving into themselves and seeking out the hidden treasure, which is sustainable joy.  Perhaps if you already know how incredibly brilliant you are, you can spend today offering love to others.  Give encouragement where it is due and let your friends and family know how much they mean to you.  Write a letter, send a card, be of service.  We should all be doing more of this, especially when we are feeling down ourselves.  I recall one Valentine’s Day when I didn’t have a valentine.  My mom told me to “be a valentine” to others that day – and it really worked for me.  It lifted my spirits, and it brought me a lot of joy, but more than anything, it was a clue that I already had what I believed I was lacking.  Back then in my early twenties, I had no idea that I was the one I was searching for all along.  My soul doesn’t “need” a mate.  It is whole and filled with love.  When I do meet someone who I want to share my life with, they will merely enhance who I AM.

You are stronger than you know.  This is for certain.  Human beings are incredible creatures.  We are dynamic with powerful minds, eternal souls, and filled with emotions as great as the sea.  When we are in discord with these three parts of ourselves, we feel lost, but when we follow the path that we were destined to walk while we are alive, we discover harmony within.  If you are feeling lost, it isn’t because you’ve strayed in life; it is simply because you’ve strayed from your Self.  I read someone’s post the other day on Facebook that said something about not following the path of God, and how this is “wrong.”  After spending twenty years following God and failing miserably, and trying to stay within the fine margins of “right and wrong,” I understand now that God is not some separate entity from myself.  The only way I can stray from God is if I’ve left myself behind in the wake of my running from who I AM.

Many times in life, we get into relationships that are painful, and we continue trying to make things work with that other person because we “love them.”  I’ve done this a few times in my life.  The truth is, that person is most likely a temporary mirror into yourself to see where you are still looking outside of yourself for wholeness.  When you discover your own wholeness, you will not settle for a painful relationship.  You will wait for the person who comes along and accepts you for exactly who you are without pressuring you into being something more, and who loves you unconditionally.  Continue loving yourself until you get to this place of wholeness.  Too many people settle because they do not understand their worth.

You are beautiful just the way you are, but if you feel otherwise, learn how to take care of yourself and nurture yourself so that you will feel beautiful.  Eat foods that are nutritious.  Take a stroll once a day.  Exercise.  Treat yourself like you would treat someone you actually love.  If you aren’t doing the best for your body, mind and soul, of course you are going to feel bad about yourself.  It is great to love your body, but if it isn’t healthy, then learn to nurture it.  We are responsible for our health, not God – so take responsibility.  Many times people live an unhealthy lifestyle and then expect God (through prayer) to turn that all around.  Isn’t it exciting to know that you have control over your life?  I know when I realized that I was responsible for me, that I became very conscious about my life.  And this makes life very exciting and fulfilling.  Don’t be lazy.  Be set free and walk in your body as if it belongs to YOU.  It DOES!  You CAN have a healthy body by nurturing yourself and by taking responsibility for what you eat and how you live.  This is not out of your control.

You can break free from anything – addiction, bad relationships, and cycles that no longer serve you.  YOU have the power to change your life.  You are limitless.  You are a visionary.  BE everything – you lack NOTHING.  Know this and own it, then go out and share your secret with the world!

 

We All Share a Longing for the Same Thing

Feeling Good

It’s so easy to pick apart someone else’s life and to see where they may have gone wrong, or to point a finger at something they are doing with which we don’t exactly agree.  After being such an incredible f*ck up for so many years, and then bouncing back into myself and following the path of my dreams, I have become humbled in the way that I observe other people.  I mean, who am I to judge?  Seriously.  But I’m certain because of all of my past shenanigans, that a few people still judge me by my past mistakes.  It may take several more years for me to rise up from the ashes in other people’s eyes.  Thank god I don’t worry about what those people are thinking as I move freely about my life these days.  We all have skeletons.  And the one thing I think about quite often is that no one truly knows what it was like to walk in my shoes.  No one knows how deeply I hated myself and how lost I truly was.  No one knows the struggles I faced and how hard I was on myself during that time.  And certainly no one knows WHY I went through that difficult time.  It was all part of my own path, you see.  And it was part of my children’s path too.  Take a little side-step with me for a moment…

If life is merely an experience, and we are all here on a journey of the soul, then why do we get so locked in on how things are supposed to be in the physical realm?  I was talking to someone this weekend about how most people are very controlling (present party included).  It is easy to see this about yourself when you are in a relationship, or parenting children.  We all want things to be a certain way, but why is this?  What is it about getting our way that makes things better?  For me (I’ll speak for myself here), if I’m getting my way or getting what I want, or having things done the way I like them done, it makes everything feel safe for me.  It gives me a feeling of relief.  And the very bottom line is that I feel much happier when things are done my way.  (Ah-ha!)

We all want to feel happy.  Who doesn’t? (Duh).  But when everyone is running around trying to control the surrounding world so that they feel happy (i.e. content, safe, secure, relief), then someone (a lot of people) are going to get their toes stepped on.  This is how arguments are cultivated.  This is how wars begin.  Everyone wants things to be a certain way.  It’s kind of a funny thing if you really think about it.  And this extends outward too.  When we observe other people doing things in a manner that wouldn’t make us happy, we label it as “weird” or “not right” or “strange.”  Why do we put so much emphasis on what other people are doing?  I had to really look at this in myself, and get to the bottom of that judgment of mine.  I discovered that most of the time when I was judging someone else, it was because I was jealous of their life experience.  It would make me feel so much better about myself if that other person would just remain within the margins of my life experiences.  Perhaps for others, people are pushing the boundaries of your own personal limitations and it makes you feel uncomfortable.  This may not be the case for you, but I would still question where the discomfort derives from.  It’s good to know this about yourself, because it paves a path toward self-awareness, which builds a foundation of letting go and being present.  In the present moment, I don’t have a problem with how other people live their lives.  I don’t focus on what my ex-boyfriends are doing.  I don’t get myself twisted in a knot over how amazing other people’s lives are compared to mine.  In fact, when other people are doing what I wish I was doing, I thank the universe for putting them into my experience so that I can get a clear vision of what I want in life.  It is good to have an image to focus on in order to create a path toward our desires.  Knowing people who are “living it up” is like having a animated vision board.  It’s pretty amazing.

If others are doing things in their lives different from how we do them, and they are not causing any harm to themselves or to others, then we should observe their joy, rather than point at their demonstration of that joy.  Or, you can do whatever you want, but what I’m learning in life, is that we all express ourselves in different manners, and we all demonstrate our path toward happiness in very different ways.  The demonstrations of the path toward happiness is like a shell.  When you look inside of that shell, you will see that most people in life are simply trying to feel happy, and we all demonstrate this in so many different ways.  Some of us (like me) who had a very difficult time sustaining that happiness – we end up imploding on ourselves and self-destructing.  But in order to truly find my joy, I had to go through that stuff.  It was all part of my experience.  Some of us take the full swing on life’s pendulum in order to get a full perspective.  And because my children were part of my life experience, they have been given a much broader perspective too.  Perhaps they needed that kind of experience in order to move quickly through things that may have taken them years.  I have no doubt that my two children are very focused human beings now because of the chaos they have endured.  They are stronger, they are wiser and they have learned a lot about forgiveness at a very early age.  They also know exactly what path they do not want to follow.  It is important to know what we don’t want in order to go for what we do want.  No one can look in from the outside of my life with my children and see the whole of the picture.  There is a lot playing out that you cannot fathom from being a mere spectator.

I think it’s beautiful that there are so many ways to demonstrate our experience of joy and happiness.  To look at it from another perspective, think of how there are so many different kinds of sports.  In each sport, the main objective is to win.  There are other reasons we play sports, of course, but we all do it so that we can experience a victory.  If victory is the main objective, then what does it matter what sport we play?  Wouldn’t it be an ignorant thing to say, “Oh, he plays football instead of golf.  What a jerk!”  But we don’t say that because we understand that people are all drawn to different sports.  Same thing with religion.  The objective of religion is to have a closer relationship with God.  Bottom line.  So why do we judge another person’s demonstration of their path toward God?  It’s ludicrous.  And if you are an artist who likes to paint, I doubt that you are making fun of the photographer, or scoffing at the writers in the world.  There are many paths to our passions and joys.  Who are we to say that someone else’s path is wrong?

Likewise, if people are doing things we don’t exactly understand, we can at least agree that whatever they are doing probably brings them joy, which is the main objective.  And if what they are doing is wreaking havoc on their life at the moment, we should understand that this is probably their own personal path to discover sustainable joy in their life.  They may be killing themselves to get there.  They may struggle and harm other people in the meantime, but rather than judge them – pray for them.  For whatever reason, those people that they are causing harm toward, have attracted that kind of “negative” experience into their life as well.  Everything is connected.  We attract experiences and people into our life in order to grow spiritually, and we may have agreed to encounter these experiences prior to even coming into this human form.  When you observe someone who is serving him or herself with temporary pleasures, you must realize that they too, are ultimately desiring happiness, but perhaps they have yet to tap into that sustainable joy (which we all desire). 

We are all having a human experience while we are here.  We all need assistance along the way.  We all want guidance because it’s difficult to see the forest past the trees.  We all want the same exact thing – happiness.  Give people a break.  Live your life the way you enjoy and compassionately allow others their freedom of expression.  Live and let live, man.  It’s a much more joyful and liberating way to be.

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