Striving for Wholeness Rather Than Greatness

Be Yourself

It is interesting to me how we think of ourselves versus the actual way we are, or how other people perceive us. I often think of the most influential people that I have met, and how the world around them upholds them in a certain light, yet their family rolls their eyes at their antics. The persona they uphold is powerful, yet their personal life is quite possibly lacking something; perhaps attention to detail. I know comedians often repeat their jokes in different settings, which can get incredibly old and taxing on a significant other who hears the same thing over and over. I’ve met pastors who hold their congregation to high standards while their children were out in the world causing havoc. I think I’ve seen these types of gaps in people’s lives enough to pay attention to myself and how I’m putting something out in the world that I’m not exactly paying attention to in my immediate affairs. The images we hide behind create incredible illusions. How many people do we meet that are genuine and transparent? I find those kinds of people to be humble and fascinating; more so than those who can talk a good talk.

I had a conversation with someone yesterday about how money changes some people, and how it doesn’t affect the way other people behave in the world. I brought up the fact that I want to be one of those people who treats everyone the same, whether they are famous, infamous, or living on the streets. I recall so many times when I’ve entered into places where I felt extremely uncomfortable, and someone of significance approached me and graciously made me feel welcome. I’ve also been in several settings where I was snubbed for not wearing the right attire or appearing the role. Just the other night while walking around downtown in my sweats, my daughter and I took a stroll inside a new art gallery. They were having an open house. Not one person treated us like we were welcome there. If I had been wearing something different, I’m certain I would have gotten at least a handshake or a nod. But nope. We were treated like outsiders and ignored. I am the same exact person whether I’m wearing a gown, or a pair of jeans. It’s so funny how people treat me differently according to what I’m wearing.

We put so much emphasis on our looks and how we appear to the world, but since I’ve worked on myself from the inside out, I easily see through people’s personas. I can tell when someone is guarded, or when they are hiding behind a thick mask of illusion. I can see people who do not even know that they are hiding behind masks, and those that think they have it all going on, yet their lack of self-worth is casually leaking through. I think back to myself when I was in their shoes and wonder how many people saw right through me. I used to be a great actress. Now I’m embarrassed when I find myself in a situation where I’m trying to impress someone, or when I throw out an impressive image to hide my insecurities. More than anything, I just want to remember that I am no better than the person standing next to me. I have worked hard on myself, but I also vividly recall what it was like to be uncomfortable in my own skin, and how it feels to suffer. I try to offer my most genuine self to new people now, although it’s tricky to be genuine 100% of the time. Many people have a way of expecting impressive stories or pulling out that mask of mine that I’ve tried to leave behind. The world is filled with people who want to impress the world.

Before I go into a new place where I might feel uncomfortable, I do a simple little meditation to ground myself. I pretend that I am a tree and I imagine my roots going deep into the earth and then wrapping themselves around the earth’s core. I do this so that I feel like I’m rooted deeply in who I am, rather than being easily swayed by the people in the room. If I feel grounded, I’m less likely to feel insecure or to need to hide behind some weird mask. I think many people struggle with social anxiety, which is why many of us drank to begin with, and why many people do drink in social settings. I want to be one of those people that can walk into any room and feel magnificent in my own skin. I’m working on it… (one day at a time). I don’t beat myself up (however) when I do find myself feeling insecure or when I go back to my old ways and hide behind images. I am compassionate with myself, knowing that I’m still learning and growing. I understand that I have a long way to go. It is not a negative thing to feel insecure. It simply shines a light on what I need to work on in myself. When I sense other people feeling insecure, I offer that graciousness that has so often been offered to me in the past. There is nothing like someone who treats another human being like they are more than welcome, no matter who they are or how they appear. I know how good I’ve felt when someone “greater than me” has treated me like their equal. It can really give a person wings.

I would rather have nothing of significance, or to be no one of significance, but to have been known as someone who was genuine, and also someone who made others feel welcome. I feel like it has taken most of my life to get to know myself, and I want to honor that self of mine, rather than try to be someone I’m not, or to appear better than I am. Humility is not something to shy away from. It is a cloak of integrity, and the shelter that keeps us in alignment with who we truly are. I used to want to be like every other person. Now I realize that I am the only person who can be me, and I am so incredibly excited about sharing my uniqueness to the surrounding world. Being who you are is the greatest gift you can give to the world. It is also satisfying and noncompetitive. It’s simple and free. I think my greatest life lesson has been that when I had nothing, I was still me. I was still alive and there. There was nothing lacking. I try to carry that with me wherever I go now, and it has completely set me free.

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New Day – New Beginning

New Beginnings

Nature is the greatest example of “how to be.”  Nothing in nature (besides human beings) worries about what comes next.  We are the only species that has the ability to embody fear indefinitely.  Some of us walk in the darkness of our fear without even knowing it.  But if we look around and see how the plants and animals live in harmony, we will notice that they are in a constant state of trusting their environment in a state of being present.  They thrive from the offerings of the earth and they don’t worry.  They innately know that they will be given all that they need.  This is a great lesson for all of humanity.

I wake up as the sun is rising and it is a beautiful reminder that each day is a brand new beginning.  The crickets and frogs pass their symphony onto to the birds.  The darkness is relinquished as the sun moves her dance to this side of the planet.  A morning dew refreshes the plants, and we wake up again.  A fresh start is offered to each living creature. Tomorrow does not exist.  Yesterday is long gone.  The thing that we are generously given on a constant basis is NOW.  The only thing that takes us out of now, is our labyrinth of thoughts.  We wake up with regrets, worries, plans, ideas and often we rush through our mornings to get somewhere on time.  We lose ourselves throughout our day, and forget to touch, taste, see, smell, listen, laugh… feel.  We forget these gifts of life because we think that life is a car, a job, parenting, wearing the mask of professionalism, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, finding out what’s on the news… etc.  I’ve got news for you.  Real news.  There is a whole universe you are missing out on while you’re engrossed in the surface of life.  The whole universe is you and this very moment.

I used to think life was incredibly boring.  I was so bored that I despised even being here, and there were times when I looked forward to death.  If I wasn’t bored, I was terrified, which is even worse.  How did that all change for me?  Well, first because I yearned for it to change, and second, because one beautiful morning in 2011, I woke up with the sunrise and realized that it was all I had, and it was all I ever needed.  There was nothing other than me and this moment.  That was it.  That was always going to be it.  How refreshing.  How thirst quenching.  How simple and incredibly profound.  So here I am.  Here you are.  Wake up.  It’s a new day.  Embrace the new beginnings rather than embody your fear.  Let go of the need to control outcome and take it all in, because this is all you have.  This is all you ever have.  Thank God for that, because it is so perfectly uncomplicated – this right here, right now moment.  The whole universe (you) is encompassed in today.  Isn’t that something to behold?

What Does it Feel Like to “Wake Up” or to Become Conscious?

Conscious Living

When you go through transformation and change, it often feels like the world is squeezing you through an emotional birth canal.  And as you begin waking up to your life, there are times when it may feel as if you are disconnected from everything.  I recall feeling detached from the world around me, which caused me to question even moving forward with “spiritual enlightenment” (this is the label that is placed on ‘waking up’ from living inside your thoughts into living in the present, detached from your thoughts).  Detaching yourself from your thoughts is somewhat like peeling and scraping an old piece of scotch tape from a desk.  It takes some time and strength.  It is certainly frustrating, and there are times you feel like giving up.  Don’t.      

Trust that when you begin this process, there will be some turbulence along the way, but keep your eyes and ears open to things leading you into the right direction.  Know that you are always being guided along your journey.  Be aware of the silence that may feel as if you are completely alone in the world, but don’t use it as an excuse to give up.  The silence may feel like desolation, but it is this desolation you need in order to discover your Self (your higher self).  Silence is the space in which to listen to your inner being.  It’s the place of healing, growing and learning about walking in faith.  In time, silence will become your friend – and the closer you become to your Self and understand who you are through this process, the more connected you will feel to the people and the surrounding world.

When fear comes up for you (oh, and it will), step out of its grip by acknowledging its presence, and by finding out what it’s telling you without following its path.  You can listen to fear without heeding to it.  In order to “wake up,” you must overcome your fear by facing it – for this is what has kept you quite asleep in your life.  If it is becoming too much for you, simply tell the universe to “slow down” the process.  You are in control.  You have authority over your life.  When you begin waking up, you will understand your power, and fear will no longer have authority over you.

You will be tested and challenged throughout this process.  Know this and be aware of it as it is occurring.  People will come along and push you into other directions.  Others may prod you toward “negative” emotions.  They are not aware that they are your teachers along your path.  Keep moving forward, ignore distractions, be aware of anything that enters into your experience to send you off course.  And if you go off course for a time, know that it is nothing more than part of your experience.  Sometimes we have to go off the path in order for the path to become clearer.  Always practice compassion for yourself – no matter what.

Emotions will arise – some of them so intense you may feel like you are nowhere near “enlightenment.”  Don’t suppress your emotions.  Don’t be a fool and act like they do not exist.  Emotions have to be regarded so that they can move through your body.  Anger and rage may overcome you at times.  Sadness may envelop you for no reason at all.  Scenes in movies may trigger you to cry uncontrollably.  Allow the tears to flow.  Feel any rage that comes up without acting on it.  When I was going through this process, I felt completely out of control at times, and it would usually be when I thought I’d reached the height of my “awakening.”  It was a gentle reminder that “waking up” is an ongoing process.  It never ends.  Each day is a practice of self-awareness and living consciously.  There is no end to the path, except perhaps upon death when we are in spirit.  As you continue this practice of acknowledging your emotions, they will begin to move through you much more swiftly, and you will discover this is because you are firmly rooted in joy.  Your emotions are like rain and your inner joy is like a window that the rain merely rolls down and dissipates while the window remains in tact.

Shedding the ego is part of this experience, and for me it always feels like something in my body is thrashing.  I am still shedding my ego.  When it occurs, is usually when I’m feeling the most restless.  I used to dread these moments of restlessness, but now I embrace them knowing that it is a time of great growth.  The ego is afraid to let go.  It feels like it must protect you, so it fights when you are ready to move on from that portion of yourself.  It is helpful to talk to your ego and to tell it that it is ok to move on.  Give it permission to leave.  Gently tell it that this part of you no longer serves you and that you are graciously letting it go.  Thank it for wanting to protect you.  If you are anything like me, you will feel something in your being, squirm and wrestle around.  It will also provoke emotions.  Watch it, rather than buy into it.  The shedding of the ego is like getting rid of “demons.”  When I read about Jesus casting out demons in the Bible, I truly believe that he was clairvoyant enough to see the ego, and to call it out by name.  The way the Bible describes how the demons reacted, was exactly what I feel in my own body when the ego is being shed.  To remain humble, we must shed the ego.

Waking up is a choice and once you make this decision, there really is no turning back.  In a room that is dark, when a candle is lit, you can blow it out, but the memory of that room will never go away.  There are times when I doubted everything about this awakening process, and then I understood that doubt is part of the experience.  Waking up to yourself is like going into the dense wilderness and coming out with a fresh and beautiful new perspective.  Learn to meditate for clarity, pray for guidance and practice trusting that where you are is exactly where you need to be, without judgment.  If you are going through this process and want to share with others what you are experiencing, please post in the comment section.  

The Seagull’s Song – “Rythm Over the Blue”

Seagulls
This week my children and I spent several days along the coast discovering new beaches and revisiting our favorites along the way. Three days into our trip, one sprawling beach caught our attention, so we made a day there, frolicking in the sand under an overcast, humid sky. We played along the shoreline in shallow, choppy and inconsistent waves. We chose a less populated spot to picnic, and as I sat there watching my children playing in the water, I understood why not very many people were in this particular area. Behind me was a freshwater pool where gulls flocked in multitudes. Every so often (quite often) the birds would squawk in sync and then fly out to the ocean all together. Above my two children they would flap their white wings and navigate along the ocean in troves, and then about a quarter mile out, they circled back to the beach pond and landed into the shallow water. There were a couple hundred seagulls, at least. I thought of moving away from the noisy birds several times, but something about this strange bird phenomenon intrigued me. What were they doing, exactly? They definitely were not hunting for fish. This was clear. I continued watching the gulls and noted that there was a rhythm. It seemed as if they did this random quarter mile flight about every five minutes, but they did not have a timer, so how did they know when it was time to launch?

At some point I made peace with the squawking, flying birds and decided to stay in the area. Perhaps I could figure out what they were doing. When I felt warm enough, I made my way into the ocean and spent an hour body boarding with my children, assisting my daughter in moving with the body of water after she had been dragged through the sand by a wave. It made her quite nervous, but she quickly moved through her fear. This was a good time to get out while she was feeling confident enough to swim around without me alongside of her. I got back on steady ground, laid upon my beach towel and opened a book I’ve been reading about the poet and sage, Robert Lax who moved to the Greek Isles from America in his early forties and ended up staying there for the remainder of his life. Interestingly, the chapter I was on was about rhythm. Every so often, I found myself looking up from my book to check on my children and to watch the gulls do their flight routine above the water. It was a curious event and I doubted that I would ever figure out the point of their travel pattern. My human mind created scenarios of them being in some sort of bird boot camp. I actually wondered if they were training for something, but most likely they were just there reflecting what I was about to learn. Their purpose for this rhythmic flight may have been nothing more than a demonstration of the rhythm of life.

As I read about Robert Lax’s understanding that our bodies require rhythm in order to flow with life (instead of against it), it occurred to me that I’ve been second guessing myself all along, although I’ve pretty much made a personal art of just going with the flow. Once in a while, I’ve gathered that my movement with the flow of my life is frustrating to the people around me who want things to be a certain way, and are quite fixed in their thinking. People get stuck in their ideas of what should happen next, rather than allowing life to unfold as it may. I used to be this way too. It’s common, but I’ve let go of that need to have things be a certain way. There’s been too many times when things didn’t go my way, and at that moment when I believed things were “off,” a synchronistic event occurred that brought it all together in a way that I could have never predicted. Frustration is a result of expectation. I don’t enjoy being frustrated, you see. I suppose my goal all along has been to find a way to live in a constant state of peace. In my attempts to go with my own flow, I’ve been called “moody,” although my “moods” are a result of needing to reflect inward some days, while other days I’m more extroverted. I’m ok with this way of being. I no longer resist myself, nor do I judge myself for not always being outgoing. Some days I am the life of the party and some days I’m alone in a corner just being quiet. I don’t try to be anything any longer. I’m like a reed in a river just bending with the wakes and wind. The inner calm is constant and whatever is occurring on the outside is mirroring my state of being. Everything is connected, and I’m a part of the whole. Human beings are part of nature, so I have learned to pay attention to how nature lives in harmony, so that I can do the same. Over the course of the year, I’ve thought of myself as random and choppy like the waves, because of someone close to me basically telling me that I’m “off.” According to what other people observe, maybe I seem that way, but I know from being in my own body and mind, that most of the time I’m just trying to find my balance. Nothing more and nothing less. Harmony is extremely important to me, so when I feel “off” I tend to go inward where I can interpret what is going on for me. I’m simply going with my own inner ebb and flow, and when I do things with a sense of well-being and love, my decisions end up having a ripple effect for all people involved. Everything always works out in the end. There really is rhyme and reason behind everything I do, although it isn’t easy to explain to those who are comfortable with a more linear existence.

It took me about two hours to understand that the seagulls had a natural timer driving them to and from the ocean. It was very interesting to say the least. I observed that each time the surf was heavy and thundering, capped with a white funnel, the gulls would squawk loudly and then they would simultaneously fly out above the water, and then turn back around. The surf determined their flow, and a high folding of the waves meant that it was time to go out and do their dance. There was rhyme, but I have yet to understand the reason. I suppose it doesn’t really matter why the birds followed this pattern. It just is. That’s all. And because I was reading about rhythm in that very moment in time, it all came to a full circle of understanding within me.

Like many people, I have always been drawn to the seashore. I am not much of a sailor because I do get sick from the motion, but swimming in the ocean and being near the vast body of water just feels like home to me. While I was out body boarding that afternoon, I felt the rhythm of the sea and it was relaxing. Rather than resisting it, I became part of it. I showed my nervous daughter how to flow with it instead of fear it. She caught on quickly and decided that she absolutely loved the ocean. Such as life. We can either resist what is happening for us, or we can be in a constant state of surrender so that we flow freely through the currents, even when they are unpredictable. When we are aware of the surrounding environment, we learn to dance with it, rather than dread the incoming tides. I’ve spent most of my life resisting, and my life was perilous during that time, but I’ve learned the art of surrender and now I wake up excited about another day. The seagulls taught me something about rhythm last week. They reminded me that it’s a very natural thing to move with life, to take cues from the elements and to not need an explanation. They taught me about poetry in motion and reminded me that I can trust my inner ebb and flow. We all have this natural ability to move in sync with life and it doesn’t matter what the observer sees. I have no idea what those birds were doing out there, but they certainly didn’t make any fuss about me. Harmony doesn’t need a reason. It simply is.

For Those of Us Who Are Sensitive to the Energy of Others (How to Keep Your Balance When You Carry the Weight of the World)

Weight of the World
When I was a child, I naturally looked past people’s faults and saw their pain. Not only did I see it, but I felt it deeply. At some point, this gift became overwhelming for me and I could no longer handle all the emotions I carried, so I consciously disconnected from myself and began to live my life on the surface – if not merely to fit in – simply to be set free from the heaviness I carried. Eventually I came back around to myself, but I learned to focus on my own emotions, rather than the emotions of others. I still feel people. Immediately upon meeting people, I know what is going on with them, and when I feel nothing, they are either very clear or incredibly guarded. I feel confusion, anger (this is the worst for me), jealousy, lack of focus, an unsettled spirit (difficult for me to be around), insecurity, neediness, sadness, etc… and I also know immediately when someone is whole in themselves. I feel their entire presence and we usually connect very quickly. I have met a couple of people like this recently and within a short period of time, we have become very close.

One of the people is a twelve year old child. She is experiencing people’s pain and it becomes overwhelming for her at times. It’s difficult because you can’t fix the world, but you want to when you have this gift of empathy. There was no guidance for me at her age, so it is important to me to offer her my guidance now that I have come back around to myself. The thing I’ve learned over these last eleven years of soul searching and truth seeking, is that suffering is a choice. No matter what circumstances we are facing, no matter how difficult things become, suffering is absolutely a choice. How you think determines how you feel, and also, how you think creates your experience, so we must understand that when we are in the presence of someone who suffers, instead of feeling sorry for them, we should give them compassion, but we should also know that taking on their suffering is going to drain us. In the same situations, people experience situations differently according to how they think. I have been very poor financially at times to where I was eating top ramen for months so that I could pay my rent, but I never once thought of myself as poor. I was so grateful to have a job, to have a roof over my head, to be sober and to feel good. The last thing I ever did was compare myself to other people who were affluent. I knew my situation was temporary and I was also more concerned about my well-being than I was about my income. Within a fairly short amount of time I moved up in the world and got a better job, etc. If I would have bought into a notion that I was “poor” and “less than,” I would have never been open to receiving the abundance that I am experiencing now, and it’s only getting better because I still do not go to dark places in my mind when life brings me challenges. The most important thing I do, is not worry about how other people view my situation. I don’t care if Bentley driving Drew over there knows how to drink responsibly, owns several homes, travels the world and has five college degrees – The last thing I’m doing is considering what he thinks of my situation. That would be futile for me.

Because the universe is made up of vibrations and light, everything we experience is a direct result of our own thoughts (which are vibrations). Even before we were born, we were a vibration in the universe. This is quantum physics here – I’m not talking out of my airy-fairy ass. Therefore, it is clear to me that this human experience is but a grain of sand in the ocean of experiences. I am convinced that we live several different lifetimes. When I encounter someone who is suffering, I not only look at them as my brother or sister, but I see them as myself. Because I believe that we are all one, I understand that we all experience every facet of life. This means that we have all been the aborted child, the mother who aborts her child, the homeless man on the street, the drunk, the junky, the murderer, the President, the Pope, the affluent person, the person of poverty. I no longer buy into a concept that I am separate from anyone, but I do understand that I have the ability to create my experience now. This means that everyone else is creating their experience too, and I don’t think it begins at birth. Because we are already vibration and consciousness prior to birth, I trust that we know exactly what we are getting ourselves into when we join the human race. Yes, I feel that I knew my challenges before I even came into this world. Perhaps a child who knows it is going to be aborted, chooses that path in order to move a mother’s consciousness into a higher level, or to give the mother an experience that she wouldn’t have had without the abortion. This is why I no longer judge any situation or anyone who does anything. Since we are all very connected, we all influence each other’s lives. at some point in our experiences, we wake up – we completely wake up, but it can take several lifetimes to get to that place. Because we only have a very limited point of view of the overall picture, I’ve decided to trust that I know nothing. All I know is who I am, and all I can do is get closer to that I AM, while offering love and compassion to others along the way. I cannot fix the world or change anyone. I can change myself, however, and that’s where I place my focus.

Ground yourself in yourself and ask for help when you need it. Be true to who you are without being influenced by the people around you. Keep your balance by focusing inward, rather than out. If you “feel” someone’s deepest emotions – feel the emotion all the way through. Allow the pain to roll through your body so that it is quickly released, but do not hang onto it, or dwell on how you think the person is feeling. They are having their experience of life, while you are having yours. Having compassion means allowing others to have their experience without interfering. You can be a guide to them by simply being whole in yourself. The last thing you should do is take on their experience.

Trust your intuition about people without judgment. If you feel a stir within you that doesn’t feel good, there is no reason to remain in the presence of that person. We get so caught up in attachment. Learn to let go everyday. Life is constant movement. You do not have to stay anywhere or with anyone who does not feel right. It is good to learn to keep moving and to trust yourself along the way. Since I have been more aware of myself, I am much more aware of what is going on with other people. I have learned to remain solid, but I do waiver at times – and this is ok. It is good for me to feel that insecurity because it gives me something to work on. I don’t have to judge myself or condemn myself for not being completely whole in myself all the time. I am always growing, learning and becoming closer to who I am. Life is a journey and nothing more. It’s just an experience. Don’t get too caught up in the drama. Just learn to be present and keep moving forward!

Why Should I Enjoy My Life When the Whole World Seems to Be Falling Apart?

World Peace
We cannot deny the state of affairs in the world. Everything, from lack of water to mutating flus and diseases, unpredictable weather, wars and rumors of wars is occurring all around us. Just yesterday I heard of a tragic armed robbery in the town I grew up in, along with the news of the missile destroyed Malaysia plane with nearly 300 innocent people on board. Things are getting worse, not better. That’s obvious. The root of all our problems has been the same for thousands of years. It’s all about money and power. Leaders wage war on other lands to obtain rights to natural resources, and the common man murders a child’s mother to obtain some cash. It’s devastating to those of us that live our lives in peace just trying to do our part in the world. When we get these kinds of news stories, it feels like we are doing so very little to change the state of the planet. Recycling and being kind to others seem like small gestures that aren’t doing much good. What else can I do? We ask ourselves this question knowing that we can’t stop world leaders from being egotistical warmongers. We can’t bring water to India or Africa. We can only do our part, like we are already doing, while we hear of people suffering around the world, and of people being murdered.

I used to become very depressed because I felt so helpless in the grand scheme of things, but instead of paying attention to myself and the world around me, I self-destructed. When I figured out that my body is an entire universe, and that the world around me is given to me so that I can be responsible toward it, I realized that by changing my perspective and my attitude, life became much more bearable. In fact, I am incredibly happy and light-hearted now, even about the events occurring in the world. One thing I know is that there is a much bigger picture playing out than our eyes can see and our ears can hear. Something significant is happening on this planet that we cannot even fathom. A greater purpose is in the works, and we must understand that things must be broken down in order to be restored (recovered). The planet is in a state of denial, but soon, the people who are in charge will see that this way of greed and lust for money and power is no longer serving them. When all our resources have been exhausted and when the common people decide that we no longer want this hierarchy/minority way of life because we understand that everyone is equal in spirit, there will be a great rise of the people, and then a surrendering of the egos. We will begin shedding our old ways and we will recover.

For those of us who dream of world peace, we need to understand that we can’t have peace without breaking down the old systems, patterns, governments, religions and institutionalized ways of thinking. During this process there will be a time of upheaval. How do I know all this? Because as a human being I went through it on an individual level. Everything that occurs on an atomic level, is a reflection of what happens on a universal scale. There are seven billion of us right now witnessing a time of great change on the planet. This has never occurred before. Isn’t it ironic that there are more people on the earth than there has ever been during this intense time? Doesn’t it seem like perhaps we all wanted to be here for this great event? If you are spiritual like me, then you know that this one human life is but a grain of sand on the universal shore. We live several lives as our spirit journeys and explores. When someone dies, it is not the end of them. The ones who suffer are the ones who are left behind, but that soul (those souls in the plane) live on, and perhaps even come back here in another human body to assist the planet in it’s great metamorphous.

I’m not of the belief that a savior is going to come back in a cloud and save his people by removing them from what is occurring on the planet. I’ve met several Atheists over the last few years, who (by far) are the most responsible human beings I have ever known. It taught me a great deal about my own irresponsibility as a so-called “Christian.” I grew up thinking that I didn’t have to worry about what I was doing or how I was being because Jesus was going to take care of everything for me. He was going to take responsibility for me and remove me (along with the other Christians) from this horrific planet. When it occurred to me that this may not happen, I did a one-eighty in my life. I went through an incredible process of awakening. I had a dream that I was standing in a mirror, and there I reflected the Christ body. Christ wasn’t only within me, but Christ was me. This is not an egotistical “I AM GOD” claim. This is an incredibly empowering understanding I received, that changed my entire way of being. During that time I was also brought to a higher consciousness experience where everyone I encountered was me, and also, I was everyone whom I encountered. There was no separateness between human beings. We were all one. I was living with an Atheist at the time, who was one of the most considerate human beings I had ever known. She took complete responsibility for herself and her way of being because she didn’t believe that a savior was going to come and save her. She trusted that she was here to save herself. I got that, in a BIG way. If I am the Christ and the Christ is me, then I must be saved through myself and the second coming must be a great human awakening. Even if it doesn’t mean this, and I am wrong again, the one thing I got out of it is that I AM responsible for this moment, which is the only thing occurring. We can wait around for a savior, or we can realize that we are the savior. And that’s how I choose to live now. It was scary as hell to receive this understanding because I had never taken responsibility before, thinking that Jesus was going to do it for me. All along I had been negating my wholeness while awaiting someone else’s return. The truth was – all along I was waiting for me to return to myself. It also told me something, however, when I was afraid to be responsible. It said to me that I have been very irresponsible, which was ultimately a very ungodly way to be.

The bottom line is that in order to change the world, you must first change yourself. You must change your old patterns of thinking, break down your belief systems, shed old behaviors and get down to the place in yourself that is ultimate love and peace. Then, and only then, will you discover that the state of the planet is merely a reflection of the consciousness of the individual. Once we all begin waking up (which we are), so will the entire planet. In the meantime, there will be wars, tragedy and catastrophe, but such as the human being when it is making a great shift. When we are recovering from our addictions, it feels as if our world is caving in for a time, but as we move through it and continue recovering, we are eventually liberated. The planet is at the end stages of her denial. She will wake up and she will surrender, and by honoring your own self, by being joyful in the moment, and by taking responsibility, you are assisting her in her great metamorphous.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JLForbes

Nurture Your Body, Your Mind and Your Soul with Food

Vegan

Walking around the Sunday Farmer’s Market is delightful. I thoroughly enjoy the live music, organic food and the cheerful disposition of vendors as they offer their home grown goods to locals. Honey in jars appears to be liquid gold and bunches of bright, colorful flowers are impossible to resist. I buy a bouquet of sunflowers as an offering of love and friendship unto myself. How can I not feel happy when sunflowers are lighting up my living space? Tea leafs in tin cans promoting good sleep and ultimate health is difficult to pass up after I inhale its earthy aromas, and I never pass on a piece of vegan dark chocolate. I love interacting with this community and it’s even better having a friend along who tells me the different names of vegetables I’ve never encountered, while informing me how to cook with certain peppers and spices. Produce never tastes better than when it’s grown with love and in consideration of the well-being of our planet. A juicy piece of an organic tomato right out of the ground is a bite of paradise, and it’s right here practically in my own back yard.

A couple of years ago I made the decision to become Vegan. It was a slow process of eliminating meat, poultry and fish from my diet out of concern for the well-being of the animals who are abused, neglected and pumped with hormones as we continue trying to feed more people on Earth than have ever walked this planet before. I knew nothing about cooking Vegan or why I was so gung-ho to be a non-meat eater. I sincerely enjoyed fish, meat and barbeques just like most Americans, but something within me tugged to live more consciously, and this included what I put into my body. It has been over a year that I have been Vegan, and I’m not a perfect Vegan. I still splurge on ice cream once in a while, and I do eat organic, range free eggs for breakfast. I put honey in my coffee instead of sugar, and god-forbid if I ever have to give up my dark chocolate, but no animals are dying or neglected so that I can survive, and this was the most important thing when I made this life changing decision.

As I’ve moved along in my Vegan lifestyle, I’ve migrated to a county that promotes organic living and I’m meeting people like myself who are consciously choosing to eat for health reasons more so than to fill some kind of emotional void. I’ve been known to pour comfort food down the ole hatch when I’m feeling out of control or stressed, but the more I learn about myself and pay attention to my emotions and my body, the more I understand why I crave certain foods and how it affects me negatively when I am stuffing myself full instead of nurturing myself. Recovery to me means re-aligning with the natural flow of my life (re-covering… re-cover). The bottom line is that we eat for survival. It is pleasurable to taste good food, but in the long run, is it going to affect my well-being? Of course it is. What you put inside your body affects your entire being, including your emotional and mental state. Because we are electro-magnetic beings as well (soul and heart), eating electric foods (raw fruits and veggies) is also very important. When we choose foods, we should be aware that we are nurturing all of ourselves, and because I’ve chosen to practice self-love, my diet is incredibly important to me, although I sometimes get weird looks and disapproving comments from those who enjoy their meat.

I certainly do not judge others for their food choices. This is my gig, and it is not an easy diet. I often crave burgers and salmon and all the delicious foods I’ve been raised on, but discipline is part of my lifestyle now. Because I’ve been so self-indulgent in the past, I practice a lot of self-discipline now. I’m getting older and as I look around at the people in the world, I notice those who have nurtured themselves, and those who have neglected their bodies. Because I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m going to be one of those people who will live well into my nineties (we have a stubborn family with good genes), I have decided to nurture my body starting now. I just want to feel my best and to live a good quality of life as I age. The truth is, since I have been more conscious of what I put in my mouth, I have much more energy, I feel incredible and I enjoy natural foods so much more than processed foods. There is life in a mouthful of a good home-grown tomato. There is electricity in a carrot and in those beautiful leafy greens. I’m all about natural living, sunshine and the well-being of the planet. I also like supporting local farmers and businesses, which puts a lot money back into our economy if we would all do this.

I have a long way to go until I can say that I live a completely organic lifestyle, but each day I am conscious of what I place into my body, is a day that I am practicing conscious living. Recovery is about self-love, and self-love extends out into the world. When I am in alignment with myself, I am in alignment with the universe. It all connects and it is very relevant. I am not just nurturing my body when I place food into my mouth – I understand that I am nurturing my soul and my mind as well, and these parts of me are not separate. I love the wholeness of me, and that’s why I choose to eat food that grows right out of the Earth. Living a healthy lifestyle is a major part of my own recovery.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JLForbes