At last night’s meeting, the topic was, “How do you relate to your higher power?” The speaker was very curious about this, and clearly wanted some answers. A lot of people raised their hands including me because we all wanted to give the speaker a big dose of what God is to each of us, as if the poor sap was suddenly going to be pointed in the right direction because of some white-light epiphany I had three years ago. The answers we gave went from one end of the spectrum to the other, from the agnostic who believes God doesn’t exist, all the way down to the religious freak. I’m not making fun. I should have kept my mouth shut on the topic. I mean… whatever I think God is… isn’t. How ignorant of me to pontificate about God. There truly are no words. If anything, once that question was asked, we should have sat in silence and allowed the man to understand that the question is completely irrelevant.
Why do we need to know what God is? It’s like the fundamental question we all carry around while the answer is never apart from us, yet there is no answer. It’s like trying to hold love inside the palm of your hand. It’s not tangible, and there are no words to describe love or that even come close to honoring the topic. It’s a powerful void of both nothing and everything, but what does that even mean? I guess what I’m trying to say is that God is a lot like love, and also, God IS love (but here I am wrong again). God is an experience, and it’s not the kind of experience you have once in a while; it’s an experience you have each moment of everyday, but until you are awake to it, there is nothing to talk about. Even when you are awake to it, there is still nothing to talk about because if someone else isn’t experiencing God, then anything you say will come out sounding like fairy dust from a sappy Disney film. It’s all irrelevant.
Sometimes I go to Buddhist temples to sit because I have a difficult time disciplining myself enough to meditate at home, even though there are no excuses. While I’m there, I look around and observe the clutter of statues, paintings, offerings and ridiculous Buddha faces. It occurs to me that this is the exact opposite of what Buddha would have wanted. I mean, if the guy is reincarnated, I wouldn’t doubt that he is a raging alcoholic doing Scooby-Doo shots in a dive bar somewhere in Italy where Buddhism is obsolete, trying to forget about the impact he had on the world. But then again, perhaps the clutter inside the temples is there to make fun of humanity’s attempt to find God in something other than in a room filled with nothing. I’ve read that this is exactly why the temples are done up so fantastically. For Buddha’s sake, and for Jesus’s sake (because I go to church sometimes too), I’m embarrassed. But I know neither of them honestly give two shits about decorated crosses and golden statues like I do.
The same goes for many people out there who the masses follow, as if they are holier than the guy eating out of the garbage can. Not true. Deepak Chopra scratches his rear end. I swear to Superman’s Underpants that I saw it on a documentary. He is a human being just like you and me, with many faults. We blindly follow people because we believe that they’ve found something that we haven’t. Let me tell you something… if you haven’t found truth, you’re not going to find it through a preacher, a teacher, a “prophet,” a church or a temple. That’s the bottom line. The truth is not a man who died on a cross for your sins, and the truth is not anything His Holiness, the Dali lama has to offer you. I know this for a fact because I followed these so-called truths for years and failed my life miserably, just like so many other people do. Truth transforms people to a degree that sets them apart from the rest of the world, yet it’s incredibly subtle, and they certainly don’t go around calling themselves prophets. Most people I know who say they’ve got the truth, are still pretty miserable, and they continue to suffer. If you find yourself suffering, I hate to break it to ya (not really), but you aren’t living in truth. If you’re looking for the truth so that you can remain sober, you’re going to end up drinking again, and if you think you’ve got it, I guarantee you don’t. This is coming from a person who used to think I had all the answers. Nobody has answers because the question about God is irrelevant.
Confusing, huh? Good. It’s just that we say things so bluntly and assuredly, like we KNOW the truth (including me – prime example last night at the meeting). If you really KNOW the truth, you certainly aren’t talking about it. If anything, you’re leading people to the truth by NOT talking about it at all. That’s the truth. The real prophets are the ones who leave people standing there in a stupor with themselves, questioning the very ground they are standing upon. That’s the real deal. The people who tell you that they can lead you to God… Those idiots might as well be handing out superman costumes and telling you that if you put them on, you will suddenly be powerful. It’s all a load of shit.
God isn’t the truth you are looking for (that is, if you are looking for truth) because God can’t be found. The answers we seek, answer themselves each moment of everyday without a doubt. It’s simply something you’ve got to realize for yourself, and if you really want it, you will realize it. If you would rather dance in fairy dust and sing Disney songs hoping for some white-light answer to your questions, well, I’m sure you will find that too, but I guarantee once the brilliant moment passes, you will be left standing there in reality with even more questions hammering at you. I just wanted to put this out there today because I’ve been wrong all along. I’ve been pontificating God, while I still had so many questions. It’s when we stop asking questions, that we begin living in the answers. That’s the damn bottom line.