While writing about not trying to control outcome, I’ve noticed myself in the land of “hope” about a certain outcome in my own life. The awareness of this is incredible because it gives me something to explore, and even better, it’s an opportunity to surrender. I’ve both explored and surrendered, and now my entire perspective has changed, which means that my world has just been blown open, and I can now move freely around thoughts that once had me shackled in fear.
I have a vision for my life, and when I began this journey in sobriety, it was like I expected the universe to hand everything over to me all at once, the way I had it set up in my mind. You know the old pattern of give it to me now… it was a freakishly delusional expectation I had about my life, but somehow I managed to slow down enough to enjoy the journey. The older I get, and the more recovery I have under my belt, the more I understand that joy and fulfillment is not somewhere in the future. If I’m not feeling it now, then I’m at a loss. I know I write about this a lot, to those of you who read my blogs daily, but it’s an important topic, and it is something that I constantly need to remind myself.
I’m a naturally restless person, but when I use this to my benefit, I’m extremely creative and productive. We should explore our defects of character to discover their opposing force, which is a surging strength. Hone in on that and run, rather than remain tied to the defective end of the spectrum. For instance, I’m self-indulgent, but on the opposite end of that spectrum, I’m extremely disciplined. It’s a weird phenomenon, but everything in life has a yin and yang. I channel my restlessness into my writing, and I also run a lot. Because my writing and running has everything to do with the vision I have for my future, every time I do either, I’m adding a little brick to the path toward the manifestation of my vision. I’m walking along that path, right now, while I’m creating it, which means I’m being present along my journey while I’m moving forward.
If we are to emanate the universe (which we do btw), we would see that creation is in constant motion, and it is also very present. Creation does not go backwards. It expands without much effort. This is simply the natural process of all things living. This is our guide to how to be; how to evolve, grow, visualize and manifest. The mountains weren’t created overnight. They evolved over years of dynamic explosions and catastrophic eruptions. If we see our life at the top of a vast mountain, well… we better be prepared for a lot of movement and some of it won’t be voluntary. It’s also going to take a lot of time. This applies to me.
I put something out there in hopes that another something would occur because of it, knowing that if it doesn’t deliver a result the way I desire, that I’m setting myself up for devastation. This is what I had to surrender to, and then explore. What I’m receiving as a new perspective, is that the outcome truly doesn’t matter. I’m in constant movement toward my vision, and I’m following my intuition along my path. I’m also really enjoying the journey, and I’m delighted in my life right now, so no matter the outcome, I know that I just placed another little brick along my path. No brick is bigger than the other, you see, because this would create imbalance. The vision I have for my life does not rest in this one little brick. I have several more opportunities awaiting my awareness of them, and this is the exciting part of my journey. The end result is a fantasy. There will always be a vision for something greater, even when I accomplish what I’ve set out to do. The path is never-ending; just like creation is infinite. The universe doesn’t just stop one day and say, “Ok, we did it… now lets STOP.” No, it’s eternal movement, and it’s constantly present to that movement.
This is a great realization for me because I used to be plagued with disappointment when I didn’t achieve my goals the way I set out to achieve them. If something didn’t go my way, I self destructed, or gave up. I became stagnant, and then no bricks were being laid. Often I went backwards and destroyed the bricks already set in place. I don’t go backwards anymore. I may take a day to rest, or to sweep up a mess that I’ve created; often I dance upon my expanding path in great appreciation, but I’m no longer the destroyer of my life. (Self Destroyer meet your nemeses… Conscious Creator)! Even if it takes me several years to get where I think I’m going, the process of getting there is incredibly exciting, and there are always surprises popping up out of nowhere which give me great pleasure. Honestly, I think where I am right now, is the very place I visualized for myself; I just didn’t realize it wasn’t all about fireworks and party favors!