Self-Love and Self-Acceptance is Not Just About Rockin’ the Curves

All about the bass

As catchy as this tune is, it still reinforces that women should feel good about their bodies because men like them a certain way.  “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night…” REALLY?!  As a full grown woman in this twisted-ass society, I am so SICK of feeling like I have to impress men with my body, or even worse – get their acceptance of MY BODY.  I’ve done the math and figured out that the men who are attracted to me for my body – no matter if it’s when I’m thin as a rail, thick and curvy from being bloated from drinking, a little chubby from depression eating, or fit and athletic looking – those men are scumbags.  I’ve had all the body types with the exception of being obese (because I’ve been a consciously healthy eater throughout my life), and I’m going to be brave and admit right now that in all of my ever-changing wardrobes from size 0 to size 12, I’ve always been concerned about how I appeared to men.  Throughout my womanhood I’ve been hit on by married men, arrogant asshole men, men hanging out of their low-riding cars flashing their grills making cat calls, old men, much-too-young men, and “sophisticated” men.  For YEARS this made me feel good about myself.  BARF!  Here is what I want to say to those men – I NO LONGER NEED YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF ME TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL.  FUCK OFF ALREADY!

I used to look in the mirror and detest my freckles.  I spent hundreds of dollars and too many years trying to hide my natural, lovely freckles.  When I got to rehab for alcoholism (because I completely self-destructed while trying to live up to other people’s standards) – for SIX MONTHS I was not allowed to wear make-up. So guess what?  I had to either accept my freckles or spend the entire time obsessing about them.  I chose to accept them, and the funny thing was, no one cared about my damn freckles.  The only thing I ever heard about my freckles from my peers was how darned cute they were.  I began looking in the mirror and seeing what other people saw – a confident woman who had more on her mind than appearing perfect. In that six month period where I was not the center of attention for once, I learned to love my face without the make-up.  I noticed the kindness behind my amber eyes and the way they smiled when I smiled.  I noticed my dimples and the radiance of my ivory skin – all the things I’d never noticed about myself before because I was too busy trying to cover up my freckles.

When I accepted my freckles I stopped caring what other people thought about them.  The obsession was gone.  I could finally walk around without make-up not thinking anything about the spots on my face. What freedom! How liberating! It took thirty-five flippen years for me to get to that place, but the last thing I’m going to ever say to my daughter about this is, “Men love freckles, so you should embrace them.”  Oh HELL NO.  It doesn’t matter what men think of my freckles.  I LOVE my freckles.  That’s all that matters.

Same goes for the ole’ body.  I’ve had body image problems all my life just like the rest of the women in society.  I still do, but I am working on overcoming them and I take care of my body because I not only want to look good – I also want to feel good for as long as possible.  Several years ago I went and had breast implants because I felt like my shoulders were too broad for my size B-cup boobs.  I was very insecure about my breasts, especially because I noticed that most men were into larger breasts.  I tell people I had this surgery done for myself, but the truth is, I wanted to feel better about myself through the likes of men, and I also wanted to appear more confident than I felt inside.  Instead of accepting my body the way it was, I transformed it.  I don’t exactly have regrets, but often I notice the way men look at them and sexualize me rather than notice other things about me, like how I articulate myself.  I have gotten to a place in my life where I do not think much about my breasts at all.  More important to me is how present I am in any given situation.  I think about the state of my soul more than I care about the way my breasts appear.  I care about laughing and about noticing the beauty in the world.  I care about what comes up for me emotionally through the mirrors of other people.  The inner body is much more real to me than the one that is going to eventually grow old and wither.  When I go out in the world now, I am not thinking about attracting men.  I am much more interested in the magic of being alive.  I am fulfilled as a human being – as a confident woman.  I no longer need the acceptance of a man to help me feel good, or better about myself.  In fact, there hasn’t been a man yet who’s come along and offered me more confidence and love than I have for myself today.

I’ve had plenty of boyfriends who’ve told me I was beautiful when I didn’t think I was beautiful, and their compliments never penetrated my being the way I feel about myself now. Some of those men did not hesitate to tear me apart when our relationship was not working out in the end. If I had valued myself through their lustful eyes, I would have also devalued myself when they were knocking me down. I knew better. I knew I was worth more than a man’s shifty opinion of me.

How did I get to the point of genuine self-acceptance? I stopped fucking lying to myself about everything.  I looked past my facade. I stopped acting happy when I was angry.  I stopped “being nice” when I was feeling annoyed.  I began knowing myself through the wave of my emotions.  I listened to my negative thinking and got interested in my behaviors.  I stopped conforming to the outside world and became a watcher of my inner world.  I stopped distracting myself from my pain and began sitting with the pain.  It fucken hurt and I continued sitting with it.  I cried a lot.  I stopped being fake and just started getting real with myself.  I stopped telling myself that I was all of these positive things that were not true, including the one where I said I felt good about myself.  I was a liar.  I was a manipulator.  I was scared as shit about everything and everyone. I hated myself. I hated myself. I hated myself. I rejected myself although I spent years perfecting an image that looked like I was incredibly confident about who I was. All lies. I was terrified.

Stop worrying about shedding weight and begin focusing on shedding all the bullshit you tell yourself. You are not a victim. If you haven’t FELT yourself through your emotions, then you don’t know yourself, and if you don’t know yourself, you cannot accept yourself.  Stop hiding from your pain.  When people brought up raw emotion for me, I thought they were my enemies until I realized that the raw emotion was mine. If pain was coming up for me through other people’s words, then those people were merely guides pointing me back to myself so that I could see myself for what I was.  I stopped running from the raw emotion and began getting curious about it.  It came up for me a lot – for several years – and sometimes it still comes up, but I don’t reject it or resist it anymore.  I welcome it.  I welcome it because it’s coming up so that it can clear out, so that I can be the whole person that I truly am.  I faced myself.  I faced my demons.  I stopped being afraid of the inner universe and began exploring it.  THAT’s how I’ve come to love myself.  That’s how I’ve learned acceptance for ME. 

When people poke and prod at me now, and bring up things I used to be insecure about – I can actually laugh with them instead of getting defensive.  YES I know I’m controlling.  HA HA HA!  Yes these boobs are fake! Ha! I know that about myself and I am working on the character defects, but you cannot hurt me by pointing them out.  I’m aware of these things about myself and I accept myself for all of my character defects.  After all, they are not who I am. I’m growing every day and walking more and more in the awareness of my soul, rather than in the fragments of my mind.  So again, I don’t give a shit about what men think about me or my body.  I don’t even think of men much anymore (not that I’ve gone rebelliously lesbian – I’ve just got a lot more going on now than needing a man in my life).  I’ve never gotten my confidence through them.  Through facing myself in all my emotional facets – through being aware of my thought patterns and behaviors – I’ve become not only confident about myself, I’ve also discovered my wholeness and completeness.

“Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top,” may sound good in theory, but I seriously doubt it rings true to many women out there because many of us are lying to ourselves about how we truly feel inside.  And if you don’t feel good on the inside, you cannot feel genuinely good about what you’re rocking on the outside.  Do you even know how you appear to others when you look perfect on the outside, yet you lack inner confidence? You look like an insecure, self-centered narcissist who spends way too much time in the mirror. People see right through that shit and it is incredibly unattractive.

Self-awareness is the path to self-acceptance.  It takes a lot of work and a lot of courage to enter into yourself, but if you want to walk out of your house each morning not just saying you’re confident, but actually BEING confident, take the inner journey.  Be the brave and self-assured woman that you claim you are.  Put your money where your mouth is.  Take a full inventory of yourself and after you realize who you really are beneath the façade, you will discover that you are lacking NOTHING.  You are EVERYTHING my dear, but it’s up to you to truly FEEL this about yourself instead of just portraying it to the world.  When you truly accept yourself, and truly love who you are, you will see through people’s bullshit like never before, and all those men that you long to attract now will seem like monkeys to you at that point.  You will realize how absurd it is to get acceptance from people who do not even truly accept themselves. You’ll understand how much more you deserve and you will value yourself enough to stay single until the right person comes along and enhances what you already have.  You don’t need a man to validate you.  You need to stop listening to these ridiculous songs about rocking your curves for the boys, and get beneath the skin of yourself.  Transform yourself from the inside out and your beautiful soul will eventually shine through.

P.S. For men reading this who feel yourself offended, you need to do an inventory of yourself too. Women have been defining themselves through the eyes of men for way too long, and if you haven’t noticed this planet is unbalanced as hell. Stop sexulizing everything. Utilize your life for something worth living for, which is certainly not just sex. Make something of yourself. God gave you a whole body and mind, yet all you think about is your penis and what turns you on. We are over it already. While you’ve been jacking-off to porn, this world has gone to shit. There are greater things to accomplish in this lifetime. Wake the fuck up.

http://www.amazon.com/J.L.-Forbes/e/B00HS980ZI/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1414348436&sr=1-1

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Good Ole Socrates Knew What He Was Talking About

Know Thyself
Some of us come to this earth out of the womb knowing exactly what we want to be when we grow up. My mom probably has hieroglyphic script scarred into her inner abdomen from my earliest writings. An artist knows her path without much outside influence. And then there are those who are born without direction who may feel like they came here without a purpose. Perhaps a purpose for being here doesn’t even occur to them. I don’t honestly know. I’ve always been a poet, a storyteller, a philosopher of sorts. I knew my purpose early on. I don’t know what it feels like to not have a craft, or if it even matters to those who don’t, but even if you are some artistic prodigy right out of the womb – until you know yourself, your craft may feel a bit unbridled and frivolous.

For those of you who don’t know your purpose in life (and if you even care) – we all have been given one unique thing in life. That one unique thing is yourself. If you spend your whole life trying to figure out who you are through the likes of other people, or by searching outside of yourself for answers, there will always be a sensation of feeling lost. If you feel lost, it is because you have not yet discovered yourself. Trust me, I know. I spent a good majority of my life feeling completely lost although I knew very well that I was a writer. Writing is just a tool that I use to channel my voice, but if I don’t know who I am, then how do I even know what I want to say? More often than not, I wrote from the point of view of other people, and a lot of times I plagiarized (in a sense) because I would read books and try to imitate those author’s writings and voices. My writing did not become organic until I took an interest in myself. When I decided to put down the bottle of booze and began learning to treat myself with respect and love, I discovered that my inner child (my soul) was the one thing I’d been searching for all along. I wasn’t lost simply because I was an alcoholic. I was lost because I detached from my essence when I was twelve. That innocent part of me simply wasn’t “cool” when I was trying to fit in with my peers, so I left her behind and molded myself into what I thought would be acceptable to others. I was a fish out of water trying to breathe in air. It never worked for me, but I spent over twenty years trying to develop lungs in place of the gills. This became incredibly gruesome in my thirties. People began catching on that I was a charade, so through the gift of recovery, I made my way back into my natural environment. Here I am now without a doubt of who I am and what I am doing while I am alive. I got to know myself, you see, which is an ongoing process. Each human being is an entire universe. Explore that universe. Discover your essence. Be a physicist and get to the bottom of yourself where you will discover that you are everything. This is the purpose of your life. This is what we should all be doing.

To “know thyself” is a powerful statement of action. It sounds a bit self-centered, doesn’t it? But truthfully when you come to love yourself in a genuine manner, you learn to practice compassion for your faults. You learn to not take yourself so seriously, and you chuckle instead of condemn yourself for being human. This self-love is a gift to others because once we know who we are, we understand who each human being is and we are able to love our neighbors with the same kind of compassion as we have for ourselves. Jesus knew what he was talking about too, when he gave that one commandment to “Love God with all your mind, your heart and your soul, and love thy neighbor as yourself.” To honor yourself is to honor your Creator, and to love yourself, is to love God. To love yourself is to love others. This statement Jesus made was symbiotic. Love is circular – global actually. The universe was created in love, and everything in the universe is cyclical. On a smaller scale, this love we learn to have for ourselves has a cyclical effect on those around us. It is the ripple effect we so often hear about (one act of kindness extends out unto the world).

What does it mean to “know thyself?” Yes. Continue asking this question and allow it to lead you to the answer. The only thing we all should be doing, is being ourselves. This is the soul purpose of each human being. We come to earth in this body. We leave the body behind when we die. In the meantime, we should know that our body is a temple – the dwelling place of our essence (our soul). The human body should always be searching for its beautiful soul while it is alive. Remember in ‘Finding Nemo’ how Dori forgot who she was, and Marlin was there to remind her. This relationship between Marlin and Dori was a beautiful analogy of the dance between the body and the soul. Keep re-connecting to yourself and discovering who you are. Align with that essence and unify with that inner light. We all have it. That light will lead the way (just like Dori intuitively lead the way for Marlin), and you will never feel lost again. Remember when Dori told Marlin that he just “felt like home?” Yeah, Pixar is pretty deep. Going home has nothing to do with entering heaven upon death. It has everything to do with the soul uniting with the body right now. This is the truth in the words of Socrates, “Know Thyself.” And the message of Christ, “Love Thyself.” More than anything – BE Thyself.

Seriously… Walk in Your Freedom, Man – I Mean, Literally BE SET FREE!

Be Free
Forget the past. I’m not kidding. The Universe does not refer to the past while it’s delivering the present. The PRESENT! Do you get it? Right this very second is a gift, and it’s not laced with anything that has to do with your past mistakes (unless of course you’re stuck in the past. Unless of course your thoughts keep taking you back there. Your thoughts create your experience. And if you don’t trust the law of attraction phenomenon, take one week to step out of your belief system and practice changing all your thoughts to positive ones. Shit, take a month – you’ll never doubt again). The question that has been stirring within me for the last year has been my very own demise toward receiving the magnificent gift of freedom. The excitement that fills me now as I write this – oh man!

You see, I did a little experiment this week after finally receiving my answer through a guest on my favorite radio show. First of all, my question was this:

“Do I need to drudge through all my past mistakes in order to receive the yearning of my heart? Do I need to really look at that stuff and tediously manage through everything? People always say that there are no short cuts in life, and though I’m not looking for a short cut, I somehow feel like I’m being held back from receiving. It’s like everything I desire is twenty feet away and I’m running toward it on a treadmill. Perhaps it’s because I was so irresponsible for so many years, and now I’m just paying for it. I deserve this, right? I deserve to struggle because I was completely irresponsible… is that how it works?”

The answer is this – Only if you so choose.

I decided to get of the treadmill. I decided that it can’t hurt to walk completely in my freedom for a week. So I pretended that I was not bound to my past (“act as if”) this last week. I unchained myself from my own repetitive thoughts. I stopped thinking – literally just stopped thinking about what I figure that I deserve. I stopped referring to my mistakes of the past; the way I handled things and how it’s affecting me now. This has a lot to do with money (if you haven’t already figured that out). I imagined taking off a metal cloak that has been blocking me from receiving. I laid it down on the ground, kept my head forward and trusted that I was set free from that ugly old thing. And guess what? I not only felt set free, I am set free. There is no past. The past is a big fat illusion. I’m not kidding. It’s like each moment that I walk in the light of my freedom, the universe is giving me a galactic sized hug. It’s saying “FINALLY! YOU GET IT! YOU GET IT! YOU FINALLY UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS! WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU ALL ALONG!”

This whole time – this last three years – I’ve been walking in like three quarters of my freedom, with one fourth of me still stuck in the past because I didn’t trust that I was allowed to be so radically set free. I was punishing myself, and I accepted that I deserved to struggle. That was my thinking. Well, just so you know, the universe doesn’t think like that. In fact, the universe of ultimate abundance doesn’t think at all. It merely delivers.

All I can say right now, is change your thinking. Know that you are not chained to your past. Understand that you do not need to accept any kind of struggle. You do not need to suffer for your mistakes. Be aware of your mistakes. Take responsibility for your mistakes by acknowledging them – even write them down if it makes you feel better, but then really let them go and walk in your freedom from them. If you don’t trust this, then do a little experiment like I did. It won’t hurt you to change your thinking for one week. Once you realize that you are not bound to the past, and that you can have exactly the life that you want (that you are so deserving of), you won’t go back to that old way of thinking. This is about stepping out of your fear, into the light. It is about being set free (completely set free), and it begins with the way you think. Don’t be shackled to your way of thinking. Don’t let other people’s idea of how the world works effect your ultimate freedom. In fact, forget everything other people say. And one more word of advice – when magic starts happening for you, don’t expect the hammer to come crashing down. Disregard that old pattern of thinking too. Tell the hammer to take hike. Don’t invite it into your experience by expecting it to arrive. Be set free! Walk in the light of your life – starting immediately! AHHHH, it feels SO DAMN GOOD! FINALLY!

A Little Gratitude = A Big Dose of JOY

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As I enter into the last day of another work week, I want to give a SHOUT OUT for all of the abundance in my life. It hasn’t been an easy couple of months for me. I’ve made some big changes, but I’m still here and life keeps moving along. I’ve been tested, stretched, lonely, weathered, overwhelmed and filled with anxiety, but I’m still here. I’ve been hurt, confused, scared, broke and at the end of my rope, but I’m still here. No matter what occurs in my life, I’m still here. None of those things took away from who I am. None of those difficult moments defined who I am. I’m learning more and more to stop identifying with circumstance and emotion, while allowing it to flow through me rather than getting caught up in it’s clutches. I’m growing, I’m learning, and I’m walking in the freedom of love instead of caving into the hollows of my fear. Life is an internal journey. I know this now, and everyday I am given opportunities to live in this understanding. I am grateful today for the challenges I have been faced with that helped me walk through my fears.

Several people have entered into my life over the last year, who have offered me a looking glass into myself. At first glance, I noticed their so-called “wrongs” toward me, but then I stopped and looked at myself. What was coming up for me through the likes of these other people? Was it raw emotion? Was I angry, scared, mad, hurt – was I expecting more from them than they were offering? The answer was always YES, so then I was able to spend some time with myself, getting curious as to why those emotions arose for me. When I stopped being affected by the other people, and became interested in myself, the other people went away and I had the opportunity to build a deeper relationship with myself through my emotions. I got to understand myself a little bit better, and I was able to work through things that I may have disregarded in the past while I blamed the other people for their “wrongs.” To these people in my life, who walked with me along my journey, I am incredibly grateful.

Never in my life have I felt lonelier and at times, more hopeless than ever, but I am still here. During this experience of loneliness and pain, I have been able to step inside of the rawness of it, rather than hide from it and resist its temperament. It has been a fractured relationship with myself in the past, where I have denied my human nature while embracing my spirituality, but because of the cavernous scarcity in feeling deserted, I have had no choice but to face the desperate hollows of myself where I’ve discovered that the feeling of aloneness is nothing more than an exaggerated emotion. Like all of my emotions, loneliness is simply a passerby whom I must acknowledge so that she can gently move along. I want to take a moment to thank this harrowing acquaintance of mine for nagging me to befriend it for a day. In a single day, it ate me alive and by the time I had acknowledged it’s jaws, it sank back and took a bow before me. It was just there merely to greet me, but for years and years I have been afraid to face it. I am grateful for the enlightening company of my loneliness this week. What a friend we have inside ourselves when we are aware of what lies beneath the surface of physical reality.

For the moments when I’ve been unable to see myself, and during the times when I’ve been confused about which direction to take, I’ve been able to ask for help. I no longer resist a request for help. Because of this, the fog of my life has been graciously burned away by the light of others. Instead of growing restless and discontent I have learned to ask for assistance and to trust that what I need will be provided – and it certainly has. Just yesterday I listened to a talk show that gave me answers to several questions that I’ve been asking. The greatest question was “Must I suffer for the mistakes I’ve made in the past? Must I drudge through my karma to be delivered into abundance?” This is a question I have been asking myself for months, but I finally asked it allowed, and right on the talk show, I generously received my answer, “You do not need to accept punishment for your past mistakes. Learn to forgive yourself, and acknowledge your mistakes, but then be open to receiving the abundance that you are so deserving of. You can stop that karmic wheel by simply telling it to stop. If you want to be punished, then you will, but once you forgive yourself, you can walk in your freedom. Self-love is the answer to humanity’s suffering, and forgiveness of self is essential to being set free.” I forgive myself today for my past mistakes, and I accept the abundance of my life that I am so deserving of. I am so grateful for the times when I’ve felt blinded in my life because it has given me opportunities to trust in something greater than myself. What an exciting life I am living!

I am so grateful for the challenges, the confusion, the people who have brought me pain and reminded me that I still have things to work through. I understand now that people are not in my life to fill a void – they are there merely to guide me toward my voids so that I have the opportunity to take a good look at them. I am grateful for feeling hopeless so that I’m reminded that I’m human. I’m grateful for all of the sorrows, the emptiness and the despair because I got to know myself a little bit better, and I am still here. Look at me – I am ALIVE! I am provided for, I am always being guided. I am loved – and more than anything, I am incredibly grateful!

Turning Chaos Into Harmony

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In Jr. High I took a Home Economic class with a very intense teacher.  She was half my size and intimidated the hell out of me.  We made our own dresses which we were supposed to model in front of the school and I ended up sewing the upper arm hole shut so that I couldn’t attach the sleeve, or even slide my hand through.  The teacher fixed it for me by tearing out the thread with a little tool that I cannot recall the name of today.  When we baked muffins, I used two cups of baking powder instead of two tablespoons of baking soda.  This was all occurring while I was impressing my creative writing teacher, along with making lead roles in the skits and plays we performed in drama.  Home Economics and Biology were not my cup of tea, but obviously I excelled in the creative arts.  During this time of my life I became very depressed and withdrawn because I felt lost.  

When I wore my homemade dress in front of my schoolmates, I was happy that all the holes and seams were in the correct places, but the dress itself was a little Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz-ish, minus the pleats, and it was a much more novice version.  I chucked that dress in the garbage after wearing it once.  I didn’t want the reminder of my failure as a seamstress.  In retrospect it was a good experience because it taught me something about myself.  I wasn’t interested in sewing or baking.  To this day, I do not enjoy either of those things, unless I’m eating the cookie dough during the baking process.  In that class, I got a D, which is one notch above failing.  I’m certain my teacher would have given me an F, except that she didn’t want to have to deal with me again the following year. 

The thing that I don’t enjoy about baking and sewing is that it creates a big mess, and I have a difficult time looking past the mess in order to create a masterpiece out of the chaos.  This week as I was moving, I took things really slowly, only moving a carload per day, as not to overwhelm myself.  I do not own a lot of “things” because I don’t like the burden of having them.  If I decide to move to Greece on a whim to write a book in a window overlooking the Mediterranean sea for a year, I don’t want to have to deal with a bunch of “stuff.”  I just want to get on a plane and go.  My daughter, on the other hand, doesn’t get rid of anything.  When I opened the door to her bedroom one afternoon last week, a rush of panic took over my sanity.  That evening I ended up eating a ton of chocolate candy for dinner, and then headed to two AA meetings.  It was just too much for me to take in.

Lucky for me I have a former boyfriend who knows how to place things in boxes without having an emotional breakdown.  The next day I came back to a very clean and organized bedroom.  Everything was taken off the walls and neatly rolled up into boxes.  Toys and books were neatly compiled and I was off the hook.  (Sigh of relief inserted here).  All I had to do was move those boxes into my car and sweep the floor up afterward.  I was a little disturbed at how easily my ex cleaned up the disastrous room.  He did it in one evening.  I’m certain that it would have taken me at least two or three days, and I would have been cramming M&M’s down my throat in the meantime, or chewing through packs and packs and gum just to withhold an impending panic attack. 

The really ironic thing is that the packing for me was way more intensely difficult than the move itself, or the breakup.  I understand that there are greater things awaiting me when I let go of burdensome relationships and hefty rent payments, but it is terrifying for me to clean out a dirty refrigerator.  On another level, I am extremely comfortable organizing my random thoughts into words on a computer screen, and I enjoy the process of putting on a performance in front of an audience, although both of these things are tedious and time consuming endeavors.  I am not a chef, or a very good housekeeper.  If my kids need something sewn, I would rather toss the item of clothing into the garbage can and go shopping for a replacement.  I am actually envious of people like my ex, who know how to focus on one thing at a time rather than overwhelm themselves in the details.  I’m quite the opposite.  I focus on the bigger picture, but get very overwhelmed with the small details during the process of getting there.

So how do I go about my life without feeling incomplete?  I can beat myself up all day long for not being a detail oriented person, or I can accept this about myself and focus on my assets, which is making things happen.  I’m an artist.  I envision end results.  I put things out in the universe and watch them come into fruition.  I don’t get hung up on people, places and things.  I’m good at helping others understand their soul journey.  I definitely understand my own.  I can interpret dreams. As a mom, I’m very accepting of my children.  I am more of a guide than a dictator.  I laugh more than I yell.  Although I’m not the best housekeeper, I certainly know how to make a place feel like a home. Wow, these are all positive things that I can say about myself.  Why do I stand back and beat myself up for what I consider “flaws?”  There has to be people like me in the world, and there has to be those who know how to turn some thread and material into a lovely costume.  Together, our contrasts and differences create a beautiful tapestry throughout the planet.  This is why it is so important to stop comparing yourself to others.  You have a purpose here.  You are a light to others through your dynamic gifts and talents.  Focus on those things and learn to connect with others who compliment you by doing what you are not exactly good at. 

I think it’s incredibly amazing that the world is made up with so many different people who all make up the wholeness of the planet.  We have doctors and teachers, musicians and speakers.  We have givers and helpers, lovers and wise leaders.  No one holds all of these gifts in one package.  We all came here to offer something to the world in order to create a harmonious planet.  Sadly this is not how it exactly works out, but it isn’t up to me to worry about what other people are doing, and what they aren’t doing.  It is up to me to stop beating myself up for not being a good baker, and to focus on my writing instead.  If I have a difficult time packing because it overwhelms me, I should feel confident enough to ask for help from someone who doesn’t find it overwhelming.  If I can’t bake a cake for a party, I should offer another service, like making the invitations.  We are all in this together, and rather than envy the soccer mom who is a dynamic organizer, I should do what I know how to do, which is coaching the team. 

I wrote this today because I’ve been annoyed that I couldn’t clean that room without melting down, when I should be pleased with myself for being brave enough to make an enormous change in my life to benefit my children and my own well-being.  Life is not easy, but it is more difficult when you focus on the negative, instead of seeing the big picture, or realizing your own worth.  I’m not a detail oriented person by nature, but I can write a manuscript no problem.  We all have something that we excel in.  This is where we should place our focus.  This is what we should offer to the world.  Simply do your part.  Then and only then, will we discover harmony in the midst of universal chaos. Like they told us in drama class, “There are no small roles…”

http://www.amazon.com/DEVILS-ALTAR-Addiction-Awakening-ebook/dp/B00FO72854/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404057542&sr=1-1&keywords=the+devil%27s+altar

In a World Filled with Mothers

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Being a mother has been my greatest gift, and I’m certain that I’m not the only mommy that would make this statement.  My children have molded me from a child into a woman.  They have given me more life than I physically gave them.  It’s because of my son and daughter (wise, accepting and loving) that I have discovered myself rooted into the ground that once seemed infinitely shaky.  They are also the reason I cherish my own mother even more today than ever.  

At a very young age I played with and loved my dolls like I was their mom.  I changed their diapers, fed them, rocked them, sang to them and gave them names that I enjoyed saying aloud.  I named my son several years before he was even born.  I was dreaming of being a mother long before I was a teenager.  It was something innate within me that yearned to give life, to teach, to love and to guide.  When I was gifted with both a son and a daughter, just like my mother and her mother before her, I was elated.  But being a mother is not as easy as holding, and fake feeding a doll.  It means you have to be a mother to yourself first, and I lacked these skills for a very long time.  I grew up while my children were growing up.  I made mistakes worse than my own parents made with me, and often cursed myself for falling short as a mom.  The one thing that never changed, however, was how much my children loved me regardless of my shortcomings, which is why I made a choice to grow up and to learn to love myself so that I could spend the remainder of their lives honoring them.

Without a mother’s love a child is lost.  We are the life chord our children’s hearts.  Mothers are the spirit of the planet, drawing in and extending out love that unites and connects the world.  For the mothers out there who have a difficult time with love because of the abuse that they have endured, love must come from within.  Love must be given to yourself, from yourself first and foremost before it can be delivered outward.  This is a difficult endeavor to love yourself, when you have been taught that you are worthless. But when you look into your child’s face, they are reflecting your own worth, which is eminent.  Let your child lead the way back to yourself.  Let them teach you to love the way you were never loved.  For they are our greatest teachers. 

For the women in the world without children, I have discovered that you are mothers to many.  I have had moms delivered to me in times of need who have never held their own infant.  Mothers come in so many different forms, even in the hearts of dads who raise children on their own.  To be a mother means to be filled with infinite love for someone other than yourself, but to love yourself enough to extend that love through you.  It is a circle of being, and of giving.  It is what makes this world go ’round.

I love my mother, who has not only given me life, but who has also given me dynamic depth.  When looked upon with clarity, the challenges we have faced together were a path toward overcoming inner obstacles that were holding us back from greater dimensions of our lives.  We entered into each other’s lives to become better people, to show each other the way; to poke and prod one another into noticing what we need to face in ourselves.  It has been difficult, but now that it is clear to me that my mom was my greatest advocate for my spiritual growth, I treasure her more than ever.  I wouldn’t have chosen a different mom.  She was the one, and she’s done her job with honors.

Mothers are amazing human beings, although none of us are perfect.  Even the moms who give their children up for adoption are offering the most unselfish love to their child.  It is what a mother is.  When we do our job correctly, we are unselfishly loving.  I’m so grateful today that I’m one of the mothers out there who is deliberately making the world a much better place.  Peace to all you mothers today!

 

QUICK… Slap a Label On Yourself Son, Before They Deem You’ve Disappeared!

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What if went to a meeting today, raised my hand and said, “Hi, my name is Jennifer and I simply AM?”  What would the people in the room think?  Would there be an awkward silence followed by a few snickers and then some sweat beads mounting on the heads of those who follow the rules of the program without falter? Some people do go in there and state their names without the alcoholic label at the end, and it’s obvious to us that they are newcomers.  Some newbys are uncomfortable with that label, and that’s just fine with me.  I didn’t particularly like it in the beginning either, but then I just succumbed to the program because it works.  However, it’s not who I am, and I think most of us in the rooms know that it’s not who we truly are… or perhaps we don’t.  I mean, have you really thought about this?  Do you walk around kind of shaming yourself (or gloating) for being an addict, an alcoholic, a junkie, a drunk?  I sometimes wonder why we need to keep reminding ourselves of the past.  Why not state that we are “recovering” instead?  Or “I am recovering from…”  This is not only removes the labeling of ourselves, but it affirms that we are in movement.  It declares that we aren’t stuck in time, and we aren’t just that one dreaded thing that separates us from the rest of society.

But we don’t question the program because it’s worked for so many people.  In fact, we don’t question a lot of things.  Once we get on our feet and find our own balance in our recovery, we should really start taking a look at what works for us and what doesn’t.  I’m tired of calling myself “an alcoholic.”  At work I’m a “Transaction Coordinator.”  At home I am a “mom.”  In my own mind I am a runner and a writer, but what if all these things were suddenly removed from me?  What would I be then?  What if I lost the ability to form a sentence from some terrible accident where my children were taken from me?  What if I could no longer work or run because my body was paralyzed?  What would my new labels be then?  I would be looked upon as a paralyzed woman who “used to be…” so many different labels.  But what if I saw myself as whole, and what if I realized that my challenges were set in motion so that I could realize who I truly was without all the labels? 

How do you label yourself?  How do others label you?

It’s a question worth asking because without labels, a lot of us don’t know who we are.  How many people retire from their lifelong careers and discover themselves completely lost?  They spent their lives believing that their career was who they were.  It’s what we do and it isn’t right.  I mean, it’s another form of separating ourselves from others, which is one of the themes I’ve been writing about this week.  We should take it from a master and follow the statement of “I AM,” without a label to follow.  Jesus wasn’t just stating that “HE WAS.”  He was always pointing us back to ourselves, but people who claim themselves to be “sinners” (another label mind you) seek outside of themselves for the truth.  I AM was a statement of being.  It was a gift of knowing… the way, the truth and the life.  (For those of you who know your scripture). If I AM… then the way, the truth and the life is within my own being.  And if no one can go to the father (God) except through “ME,” then I must have to enter into my own being in order to meet my maker. Talk about lost in translation! The road to truth is narrow because it is an internal experience. This is so important to understand, because the other way around is what most people follow and most people (if you’ve noticed) are really lost, though they will disagree with this statement because no one likes feeling lost when they believe they have found the truth.  They would rather be in a state of denial than to look at themselves honestly.  But we all do this.  I constantly have to remind myself to look in the mirror.  I’m blind to myself too, which is why I ask a lot of questions and why I appreciate being challenged by the people in my life who point things out to me, although it kind of sucks in the beginning.  If I hadn’t been challenged by my counsellors and peers in treatment, I would still be suffering today.

It’s important to ask questions even in a program that has worked for a lot of people.  It also hasn’t worked for a lot of people.  That’s why it is imperative to really understand who you truly are, with a knowing that goes beyond a belief.  If everything was suddenly removed from you, you need to know that you could remain sober because you no longer are that alcoholic label, or that addict label.  You are in movement.  You are in recovery.  You are not a stagnant being.  You are always in motion, so I challenge you to stop labeling yourself and to walk in the wholeness and completeness of yourself.  And I’m going to stop announcing that I am an alcoholic in those rooms.  Tonight, I’m Jennifer and I AM in recovery.