When things feel out of control and when life feels like more of a labyrinth than a walk in the park, it can really throw us off. I had this experience in December and it got the best of me until I stood alone in nature and pretty much threw my hands up to the universe. “I have absolutely no control, and you know what? I don’t want control, so once again, I surrender. Let me be a vessel…” These were pretty much my words. I have this convo with God a lot in life (I’ve noticed). I’m always getting ahead of myself. My wants and needs become crucial, while the simple things in life get tossed aside and overlooked. I want everything NOW. Or at least in my timing, which means that I am way behind in where I thought I should be by now. Yet when I stop all my whining and nonsense, I realize that all of that chaos is in my mind. Nothing is falling apart right this second. Everything is going fairly smoothly. I feel a little bit raw, and where I want to be is rubbing up against where I am, but to know where I want to go is essential. It is the vision that will get me there, not the drudging to get there. I don’t have to drudge. I simply have to know where I’m headed and surrender to the moment. I need to trust that I’m being guided along the way, and perhaps the universe moves a lot more casually than I desire, but that’s none of my business. I’m simply a vessel, remember?
I had a dream last night that all of these people were cramming into one house, and I wasted all my time trying to figure out where I was going to sleep, while trying to keep all my belongings in one place, but it was impossible to control the chaos. People were arriving and more stuff was being crammed into this one house. There were animals in cages that were hanging outside of their cages because there was no more room. It was crazy. Toward the end of the dream, I didn’t know where any of my stuff was, but it was no longer important to me. People needed guidance and they kept asking me for direction. I stopped all my worry and just started helping the people. When I started being of service, all the chaos happening was no big deal. I felt centered. When I got a moment, I decided to do some exploring, and I ended up in the back yard where there was a pride of lions. There were so many lions – male, female and tons of cubs. I took a photo of the pride and posted on Facebook, “These lions are right in my own back yard.” I woke up and realized the power in that statement.
Lions represent courage, strength and power. I have been dreaming about lions a lot. In my dream there were male and female, which is yin and yang. All of these people and animals were inside one house. Everything in that house represents aspects of myself coming together. This last month was so confusing to me, and chaotic, but once I surrendered and just centered myself in the moment, everything I needed (strength, courage, power) was in my own back yard. (Perhaps the pride was a pun for my own pride that has often held me hostage). There is never anything outside of myself that I need. It’s all in one place in the here and now. If we are confused, overwhelmed, scared and feeling powerless, the best thing we can do is surrender to it and be of service to others. I have been asking the universe what I need to do to be of service, and the answer is right here right now. My own job is service oriented. I can be of service to my children and my roommate. I don’t have to go to a homeless shelter to be of service, although that would be fine too. If we can practice being of service right where we are right now, it will remove us from our confusion, immediately.
Sometimes we have to go through monotonous days so that we know what we don’t want, in order to visualize what we do want. Often we feel overwhelmed so that we can re-evaluate our course. When confusion throws us off, it is a good time to let go and do something for someone else. Being of service is the quickest way to becoming grounded. Give what you think you don’t have. Be what you think you lack. Know that the answer is always in your own back yard. You are not separate from what you need, ever. It may not be clear in the moment, but if you can just remind yourself to be of service to someone else, you will not only forget about the chaos, but you will become centered enough to receive the clarity you need. It may feel like you are going nowhere, which can be frustrating, but nowhere is exactly where answers to your deepest questions await your awareness. In recovery, it’s not about reaching the top of the mountain. It’s simply about being aware of the moment. We can very well climb that mountain, but when we get there, we will discover it was all a mirage. There are more mountains to climb. The journey is never-ending, so the universe laughs when we get ahead of ourselves. There is nothing to achieve. It’s all about now. Who are you helping? Who are you being? How often are you letting go and simply being open to receiving? What is your vision? Do you even have a vision? If you don’t, then get one. With a vision, you will be guided. Without vision, you will be easily misguided. We simply need to focus on where we want to be, and then open ourselves up to moving toward that place, knowing that how we get there is none of our business. That’s where I am today. I know what I want. I know what I don’t want, but while I’m feeling raw between the two, I’m going to put my head down and help others, even if it’s simply helping my daughter get ready in the morning because she’s running late. That’s where it’s at. I know it sounds mediocre, but to get anywhere, we have to embrace each moment as if it’s the path toward our vision, because it truly is.