I had a serious moment of clarity last weekend. Not one with white lights and angels singing or anything. It was simple, and it about knocked me out of my boots, which were wet from the rain and needed to be removed anyway. The thought has only crossed my mind once before while I was watching that movie, ‘Adaptation’ a couple of years ago. It was this powerful scene where Nicolas Cage and Nicolas Cage were talking. He played the role of twins. While one of the twins was dying (the less egotistical one), his brother reminded him about this girl whom he loved in high school who didn’t love him in return, and he was questioning his brother as to why he would love someone who pretty much made fun of him behind his back. His brother was very clear about the whole thing and explained that it was “his love.” The love belonged to him, and it didn’t matter if she didn’t love him back because it was his own experience. That love was his, you see.
I was incredibly moved by that scene. I mean, it really tore me up inside because it is such a beautiful thing to realize that love is not something you need returned. It is simply something you experience and give, and stand in awe of, because it’s so much greater than you, and it is eternal. To expect something in return for your love is cutting off the flow of the love. It takes away from the full experience.
But this post today is not really about love. It’s about life and how you can easily cut off the experience of it if you expect something outside of the moment to return a favor. I do this a lot, and it hit me that this experience of life is exactly what it’s all about. I can go on for years desiring all kinds of things that I don’t have right now, and expecting, rather than just standing in awe of this whole incredible experience, but it’s more than simply being present. It’s understanding that the whole point of being here is simply to enjoy it. There’s nothing more to it, which makes it so worthwhile.
Let me explain it this way. I have always felt a fire under my ass each morning when I wake up, to accomplish something, or to be somebody in the world, which is a horrible standard to live by and I’ll tell you why. Because if I’m not accomplishing something, or being somebody, then I feel like my life is worth nothing. That’s incredibly depressing. To be one of seven billion people on a planet that is smaller than a molecule in the whole grand scheme of the universe, is depressing enough, so I’ve asked myself for most of my life what the point is, and I’ve gone out of my way to figure out what the point is. I’ve even gone so far and been so arrogant as to think that I’ve got a purpose for being here. And sure – I guess if you want to break it down to having a purpose, then we all can say that we have been given certain gifts or talents to enhance the whole experience, but still, in the grand scheme of the universe, who really cares? Who cares if I’m a Queen or if I am a beggar for the small amount of time that I am here? In the grand scheme of the universe, neither of those things matter at all. It is only in man’s egotistical mind that those things matter, so again – what is the point? That’s where my moment of clarity hit me. The point is to simply take it all in while I am here.
I am this person who is having this whole life experience that no one else on this planet is having, and so are you. You are having a whole life experience that NO ONE ELSE on this planet out of seven billion people, is having. Wow. Just think about that for a moment. Now what are you going to do with that? The best thing you can do is take it all in. Really. Take. It. All. In. Not just the good stuff, but also the heartache, the pain, the sorrow, the confusion, the anger, the traffic and the brown desk that sits there and taunts you and reminds you that you are stuck in a meaningless job. FEEL that, and know that you right here, right now are the only one having this exact experience. And then revel in that knowing, because that my friend, is the point.
The point is to feel it all. To take it all in while you’re here. To be like, WOW, this is me having this whole experience that no one else in the entire universe is having. That’s HUGE. It’s incredibly beautiful, and I don’t know about you, but for the first time ever – it’s enough for me. It’s plenty. I’m like – FINALLY! That’s what it’s all about, and I’m done pining for things I don’t have because, dude, this right here is flippen fantastic. Me in this body, that I am always wanting to change, and me with this skin that is growing older, and me with these people that I’ve been given (called my children), are no one else’s experience but mine, and that makes me feel incredibly unique and special and worth something. I’m not just one of seven billion people on a planet that is smaller than a molecule in the whole scheme of the universe. I’m the sum total of all my experiences while I’m here, and I’m going to take it all in while I’m here, because that’s enough. It’s plenty. It’s all I ever needed to know, really. Now I can finally stop questioning everything, and begin living this beautiful life that belongs to me. Because it’s all mine and there is so much to take in. Wow.