Abuse comes in all forms, from emotional to physical, and the abuse is passed down from one person to the next. It is extremely unlikely that an abuser has been nurtured in a balanced and healthy environment. Most people who are mentally and emotionally abusive are unaware of their control issues, nor do they have any sort of self-esteem because of what has been inflicted upon them and taken away from them, usually in childhood. We know this when we deal with abusive people in our lives, but how often do we find compassion for them? It is so much easier to take the stance of a victim and to blame that person for most or some of our “issues.” I am writing this today because I was walking with a friend yesterday who was terribly neglected by her adopted mother, and even after the mother has passed away, my friend is still harboring a lot of anger from her childhood.
I asked my friend this question: “Although your mom was abusive, neglectful and caused you pain, what positive influence did she have on your life? I mean, when people push us to the point of misery, and cause us to want to rebel, often we go to the extremes to prove them wrong in some way, shape, or form. Their behavior toward us has a direct influence on some of our biggest life decisions. How did your abusive mother push you in your life, which proved positive?”
My friend considered this for a moment and then relayed to me that she would have never left home as early as she had, and taken several opportunities to travel the world if it weren’t for her mom driving her to the point of practically running out the front door. My friend has been all over the planet because she refused to remain home in that abusive relationship with her mother. She has literally seen most everything there is to see out there, in all of her childhood fury. She went out and found her place in the world because she had no place with her own mom. How empowering that relationship truly was for my friend.
In my own life, I have recognized other people’s “bad or weird” behaviors as an opportunity to look at my own self and see how I can change (clean up my side of the street) in order to navigate in a balanced way with those people. Other people enter our lives to show us something about ourselves. We think that life is incredibly random, but if nature shows us anything, it proves that it is clearly balanced, and it is constantly rebalancing, healing, growing, providing, etc. When we are physically hurt, our body immediately sends signals to our brain to rush in extra blood so that it can begin the healing process. It is no different in our emotional, spiritual and mental experiences of life. The universe always provides people, places and things to offer healing, balance and growth. If we recognize these people, places and things when they arrive, we will discover that life is not random. It is incredibly connected and unbiased.
Everyone experiences pain, and everyone is provided opportunities for healing, balance and growth. It is up to the individual to recognize their role in the ecosystem of their relationships. If someone is causing you pain, another something or someone will be provided for healing. Life is certainly not random. If we are to become conscious of ourselves, we must also recognize what role other people play in our spiritual, emotional and mental development. Everyone plays a role in our lives, including those who are completely clueless to themselves and how they behave.
If I have learned anything this year, it is that no matter how awful other people’s behaviors are, there is something I can change about myself in order to find serenity in that relationship. I can find a balance within myself through their reflection of whatever pisses me off or annoys me. Rather than trying to control them (because I can’t), I take control of my responses, and there I discover that I am way more in control than I previously thought. When we begin searching for balance within ourselves, we discover how incredibly powerful we are as human beings, and how life is constantly offering us opportunities to heal, balance and grow. When I heal, rebalance and grow because of those other people’s influences in my life, it is easy to take a step back from my ego and silently thank them for the significant role they played, without them even knowing it. There is so much to this life experience that we miss if we are not aware of our soul journey while we are in this human form.
I spend most of my free time writing, and this is how I rebalance, and figure stuff out about myself. I don’t know what else I am supposed to be doing with my life other than raising my two children and writing, so that’s what I’m doing. I have recently published a book called ‘In Lieu of a Dragon Tale – A Modern Day Fable for the Young at Heart.’ It is about a girl and her unexpected relationship with a dragon. The dragon represents wisdom and the girl is having a difficult time navigating through her life with this giant beast in a society that does not accept dragons. The story wrote itself and surprised me in each unfolding chapter. The ending was especially unexpected. I’ve loaded it on Kindle for 0.99 and it is also available in paperback.
If you have suffered in your addiction, or if you are trying to make sense out of the chaos, this story is extremely relatable, as the girl eventually descends into the darkest of places in order to separate herself from the dragon, until she has a powerful moment of clarity. I am very excited about this book and am asking for some reviews on Amazon. Here is the link if you are interested: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=in+lieu+of+a+dragon+tale%2C+j.+l.+forbes