A jet plane was moving quickly above me while I was driving to work yesterday, but the first thing I noticed was the thin white, expansive contrail. It was an exceptionally clear morning and my brain was in an imaginative mood, so I sat at a stoplight pretending that I was looking up at a shooting star in broad daylight. I thought about what it would be like if I were not of a society that knew about the comings and goings of planes, and I saw this thing up in the sky for the very first time without any knowledge of what it truly was. There I sat pretending to be a tribeswoman peaking out of the trees of my very comfortable forest. What would I chalk the plane up to being? Would it be a shooting star in broad daylight? A sign from the gods? Perhaps I would consider it a miracle. Would the plane be some sort of sign from the heavens, or an omen? I was thinking about how we observe our surroundings, interpreting the world from separate perspectives. If I knew nothing about a plane because I lived my life in seclusion from mainstream society, the plane would not register in my brain as a plane. No, I would make sense of it probably by calling it a shooting star in broad daylight, or an incoming asteroid. This is what I decided the plane would have been to me in my state of (for lack of a better word) ignorance.
I would probably be the one that left the tribe and explored the situation, although the subconscious fear of the tribe would discourage me from doing so. “What if it is a devil?” They might ask. Or, “it could change you,” would be the greatest fear of all. If one person changes in the tribe, it effects the entire tribe. People don’t embrace change, so they discourage it or create weird scenarios around it. I don’t care much about people’s fears, opinions and beliefs about the world. I’d still go out and figure out what the plane was all about. I wouldn’t be able to sleep very well or concentrate on anything else until I found out about that thing in the sky.
There is a lot of fear placed in exploring our lives. When I first moved away from my hometown, I was 28 years old and I had two very young children. Their father and I had been split up for over a year by that time. An opportunity came up for me to move north and I did, and it was not easy, but I did it with an intention to find out about myself and to learn about the world without other people telling me what was right and what was wrong. When I was struggling the most (probably because I was deeply rooted in guilt), I met someone along the way who held my hand and believed in me. He opened a path for me that I would have never followed on my own out of fear, guilt, and dread of crossing the boundaries that people had placed before me all my life. My conditioning nearly convinced me that life operated by handing out rewards and punishments – everything worked a certain way and I should not “explore” outside of the regulations of my religion. I had already crossed enough of those lines in my life to know that I wasn’t constantly being punished like I thought I would be, and also, when I followed my curiosity, I was usually pleasantly rewarded with opportunities that wouldn’t have been available if I wouldn’t have explored. Old thought patterns would arise – the hammer would soon come down, or I’m going to end up eating crow, or even worse – this might take me straight to Hell. Fear ruled my experiences, but I continued moving forward (I suppose that was what the alcohol was for at the time – to numb out my thoughts, which were tediously doused in worry). Yes I drank heavily through all this exploration of mine, and the hammer did drop on me, but still I was offered opportunities to continue discovering my own path. Never once did I go back to my tribe (hometown) and grovel because they were right and I was wrong. I did go back for a few months when I needed solace and direction, but before long I was back on my own path – this time with much more acceptance. I understood that the world was not out to get me. In fact, it was much more loving and guiding than I had ever expected, so I carried on.
My perspective was one way when I left home, but eleven years later, it has opened up to a whole new understanding of life. The fear is not ruling me any longer. There is much more joy – in fact, even when I am having a rough time, I still feel a lot of joy. I understand myself and who I am in the world. I no longer feel “less than” or unworthy. I laugh a lot more than I cry. That’s a huge transformation right there. I am no longer confused in any way, shape or form. I enjoy my life more. I am more accepting of others. I watch what I think about rather than allow my thoughts to make decisions and determinations about my life. I live in the moment rather than dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. I am not afraid of change. I embrace change, even when it means breaking up with someone I love very much, because I know what I need and what I don’t need. I am not afraid to go for what I want. I know what doesn’t suit me and I have no problem letting things go that no longer suit me. I am not afraid to explore, even when people tell me not to explore. I am no longer living my life in consideration of Heaven and Hell. Heaven and Hell is right here right now. I choose my path by choosing to walk in the way of love or the way of fear. I’ve done both. Love is much more accommodating, and exciting. Fear is all-consuming and incredibly restrictive.
I was listening to the Catholic station the other day on my way to work. There was a woman on who was talking about “the new age” thinking and how detrimental and damaging it is to the church. I’m so glad I got to hear this on the radio. Don’t even ask me why I had the Catholic station on. I just did. I like hearing how people think their way is right. It’s incredibly interesting to me that people are so consumed with right and wrong. Anyway, people were calling in to this woman and asking questions about crystals and things like the law of attraction. She was very down on crystals and changing your thinking in order to attract what you want in your life. She said this opens the door for (I guess) unruly spirits and such. Hmmm. Ironically EVERYTHING material on this physical realm of existence, including the microphone she was using, was originally someone’s thought before it came into fruition. Thinking is inventing. Thinking is creating, and isn’t the whole premise of the Catholic faith based in the concept of creation? Creation = creativity, which is what teachings of The Law of Attraction reflects. We are made in the likeness of God, which pretty much means that we ourselves, are creators… is this not what we are told while we are sitting in the pews? But if the congregation discovers the truth about their essence, well then the Vatican would lose their power over them, you see. And no one would be giving them money, which is how they remain in power, so they keep dousing out the fear through people like this woman on the radio show. If you give people the keys to their own empowerment, the the church would cease to exist; therefore, the teachings of The Law of Attraction and understanding the healing properties of the earth’s elements are absolutely detrimental to the institution of the church.
I listened very intently and there were times when this woman admitted to not knowing enough about something to give much advice. That was a big clue that most of what she said was speculation. What bothered me the most was that people actually bought into what she was saying, rather than going out and exploring these things for themselves. If you want to know whether something is “wrong” for you, or “right” for you, wouldn’t you want the opportunity to discover this for yourself? It never harmed me to learn by exploration. In fact, what I learned most of the time was that people’s opinions about things were usually wrong, and backward. If they have never entered a Buddhist temple, or read the Tao, or studied Judaism, or taken the time to understand the Muslim teachings, or the Tarot, then how can they even pass judgment on these things? It doesn’t make much sense.
When you close yourself off from exploring you curiosity, you’re closing yourself off from a lot of things that life has to offer. Many times we are taught not to explore, yet it is natural to want to explore. I am of the understanding now that all things are created from one Source. If all things are created from one single source of energy, then there is no reason to segregate myself from anything I am curious about. Even if I go down the so-called “wrong path,” I am always given an opportunity for learning and discovering on my own that it may have not been the best direction for me. This is a loving universe we live in. If you think it isn’t, then your experience of it will be negative. You create your experience by how you perceive things.
There is much to explore in life, so don’t cut yourself off out of fear. Don’t limit yourself by what other people think. If you are in recovery, do the next right thing and don’t pick up a drink or a drug, but don’t stop exploring the world and what it has to offer. Be curious. Learn about yourself. Be open. Learn to step out of fear onto the path of love. Change your perspective and everything will change for you. After all, the world isn’t flat like it once was perceived, and neither should your life experience be flat. Be a knower rather than merely a believer. Ask, seek, knock – receive, find and let the doors be opened to the vast experience of your own beautiful life.