Acceptance is a garment of bravery. It’s the cloak you must wear to in order to walk through your fears. It’s important to know what you’re facing, and what you can and cannot do because disappointment is always waiting around the bend when expectations are high and results are low. I’ve walked through my life with a fire under my feet and as I sit in my comfortable bed with a cup of coffee this morning, I realize that running as fast as I could didn’t get me very far in life. I’m not anywhere near where I thought I would be at this age. I’m the shortcut kind of gal and I enjoy a thrill every now and again (more often than not), but this is holding me back more than I realize. I’m enjoying my life more than ever – that’s for certain, yet the things I was always reaching for are still out of grasp and somehow along my journey, I’ve taken to a more steady pace. I woke up this morning with a massive cloud of acceptance enveloping me. “What if I never achieve my goals in this lifetime? What if thirty years from now I’m not much further along than I am today? This is the reality of the world we live in. Dreams are reachable, but not everyone reaches their ultimate dreams. What if I am one of those people?” I thought about this for a moment and then I understood that I could actually live with this. The bottom line, is that I am doing exactly what I love doing, and if that isn’t enough, then life is passing me by at an increasing rate and I’m unaware of the world surrounding me, which is lush and quite abundant exactly as it is.
I’m of the understanding that life gives you what you can handle and nothing more. Human beings can handle quite a lot, but we are all walking different paths in life. If one of my main goals is to remain sober (which it is), then I need to understand that the universe will provide to me exactly what I need along this path of mine for me to remain in alignment with that goal. If my goal this year is to connect with more people (which it is) then why would the universe separate me from the crowd? I must know what I’m doing and where I’m going in order to understand what occurs for me as I walk through my life. (I say “walk” because I’ve stopped running). I’m even hiking now in the mornings more often than I sprint because there is something fulfilling in taking it all in as I’m exercising. When I began running at age twenty-four, it was because I wanted to run away from my life. I don’t have that mindset anymore. I like where I am. I’m learning about myself and honoring the casual pace of receiving what I need at the exact right time. I don’t have to reach for the stars. They are brilliant just as they are, and on a summer night, they are perfectly clear and abundant before me. There are so many of them to behold. If I’m only reaching for one of them, then I’m missing out on so many beautiful moments standing under the multitude of them.
My ultimate dream was to be an author, and I am. My main goal has always been that I would write, and I am. My ego wants a lot more than this. It wants the red carpet status, but that honor is never enough when one gets to that place. As human beings, we always want more. We are never satisfied. Plenty of money is never enough. Ridiculous amounts of fame segregates a person to where they can’t even walk around town in peace. Being great in life is more about tapping into who you truly are, rather than being an icon. The books I’ve written have moved only a few people that I know about, and if those few people’s lives were touched by my writing, then I wouldn’t call myself a failure. I’m doing what I love and I love what I’m doing. This is a pretty amazing accomplishment. I should feel proud, and I am.
This is my 100th blog on this site. I began last August and here it is the end of June practically a year later. I’ve grown so much over the past year. I’ve become much more clear about my life, and I’ve slowed down to a pace where I can actually enjoy what I’m doing. I’m in acceptance about a lot of things that I’ve resisted in the past. I laugh a lot more and I have shed the skin of stressing out about everything. It’s been an amazing year. I fell madly in love, moved twice and broke up with a man I thought I would spend my life with, but I have not lost my balance during all of this. This is more than I could say for myself just five years ago. Back then, I would have been a train wreck (I WAS a train wreck). Even during all the heartache, I’ve remained joyful. That’s a pretty big deal. No, it isn’t fame or wealth or travelling the world signing books for my fans. It is much more than that. It’s inner wealth. It’s spiritual wealth. It’s exactly where I yearned to be five years ago. And here I am, right under all those marvelous stars, just standing in awe at the brilliance of my life.