Making choices was always a really difficult thing for me to do. I was plagued with the concept of “right versus wrong” and “good versus bad.” More often than not, I had a dozens of opinions coming at me like darts and rarely did anyone ever ask me what my gut told me to do. When this question was presented to me, it sent rockets blasting through my body. “What does my gut say about the situation? WOW, I’ve never even considered that!”
I spent a good year and a half of my sobriety quiet and away from the noise of other people. I quietly wrote a book during that time and learned to allow life to flow as it may without me interfering or meddling with anything. There were a few decisions I had to make and they were doozies, but I knew this practice was part of my own recovery, so I did something different than I would normally do. I completely ignored what people were telling me to do and I FELT my way into my answers. What I discovered was that my own body (the temple of my higher power) always led me to do the thing that was best for my well-being. Although it may have hurt another person, or wreaked a little havoc on those that wanted to control me, it did not cause anyone real harm. People get hurt, but this does not mean that they are harmed. When I followed my inner guidance system, everything fell into place for me like a secret path opening up before my feet as I walked forward toward the goodness of my soul, and those people who were hurt, ended up being perfectly fine.
Sometimes I forget about this time on my path since I have now taken on much more responsibility, and as I feel my way through life right now I realize that some of my decisions were not actually made for the well-being of my soul. They were mainly taken out of fear for my physical survival. Here I am now standing in awareness, trying to rationalize instead of trusting that I will be taken care of once I open myself up to that place of well-being again. It is difficult not to control things, but this is where meditation is very effective because I can quite my mind and begin to listen. Just because I made off-beat decisions several months ago doesn’t mean that I will be punished for them now. There is no punishment – only consequences, and I have been very clear on how the consequences have effected my life negatively. But they, as everything else, are learning experiences. I am still able to stop and rebalance. Once I consider my well-being again, I can move forward and let this nasty stuff fall behind me.
We are conditioned to make decisions that society deems responsible and logical, but many of those choices are harmful to our well-being. How many people take jobs that drain them, or commit themselves to partners who only keep their own best interest in mind? Cut the chains of conditional thinking and walk in your own freedom and awareness of your well-being. Watch the sky open up for you and the stars shine upon your life. Put your recovery at the top of the list of things to do and walk in the light of knowing that all will fall into place without falter. If you make bad choices, stand up and re-align yourself. Don’t beat yourself up, and for goddsake – move forward! It’s ok to mess up, but don’t roll around in the mud of self-judgment. Learn something and move on. I am practicing this as I am writing it.
When you’ve got to make a decision, always choose your well-being. This is how it works. This is how the magic of life unfolds. This is how we live consciously while allowing life to be exactly how it is.