Taking Back Responsibility


We can spend years in therapy talking out what went “wrong” in our lives, and we can debate for centuries to come, about the horrific effects of slavery, or mull over the mistakes of the past, but this never solves anything.  I spent a great amount of time getting to the bottom of things, which has its short-term benefits to identifying some of my behaviors, but the overall change I want to make in my life, will never derive from revelation about my past.  I can dig and dig and dig into my past, but this wastes the time I could be building a strong foundation right now.  The past is the past, and I am who I am; the question I ask myself now is… who do I want to be?  Where do I see myself twenty years from now?  Am I going to get there if I figure out the details of my past lives, or spend hours of my time doing regression therapy?  Instead of seeking answers to questions we have about our past, we should be looking for solutions.  I can’t change what someone else did to me, but I can certainly treat others the way I want to be treated.  I can’t erase childhood traumas, but I can absolutely become a stronger person because of them.  I can reach out to other people who suffer in their addictions and show them the way toward freedom, rather than feeding into their victimization.  I don’t think there is a person on the planet who doesn’t suffer at one time or another.  This is what makes us human.  Suffering correlates with spiritual growth, so on some level, it’s incredibly valuable.  It the place where we learn to surrender.

The strongest people I know, have suffered a great deal in their childhood.  Children who struggle with adversities, tend to achieve the greatest of accomplishments.  Those who have disabilities, spread their wings and fly with incredible insight.  Human beings are resilient and brilliant.  We are not limited by our shortcomings.  No, we are empowered by them.  Look at women today, who have spent centuries in suppression.  We don’t dwell in the past; we thrive atop the treacherous mountain that we’ve climbed.  Women are spearheading flourishing industries, and breaking through the stereotypes that have plagued us and kept us indoors for generations.  We aren’t concerned about the past because we are too busy laying the foundation for our future.

The past can define us or it can set us free.  I am so grateful that I was raised with strict religious values, which has set a course for me to question the doctrine and discover a limitless and loving God.  I don’t know who I would be today if I was not challenged by my parents, molded by the church and broken by my addiction.  When it finally occurred to me that I am not a victim, and when I began reading between the lines of my anguish, and seeing opportunities rather than dwelling in the adversities, I rose up on my own two feet and met myself in all my wholeness and vastness.  I am not incomplete, or fractured or broken.  Neither are you.  You’ve simply got to read between the lines and see the challenges as chances to break through the limitations set before you.  Life is so full of opportunities to break through barriers, but we are often blind to this because the barriers seem bigger than we are.  This is such a lie we buy into.

What are my challenges today?  What am I afraid to face?  What fears override my thinking?  These are all opportunities to break free from my limitations.  These are the obstacles set before me so that I have the chance to walk through them and soar high.  We are all gifted with adversity which endorses our growth.  There are no excuses, and no one here is a victim.  We need to stop telling ourselves this, and take responsibility for what happens from here on out.  If we want to live a good life, we need to rise above the challenges and the traumas we experience.  We need to see them as endorsements of our growth, rather than the end of who we are.  Suffering is valuable.  It’s a human condition that reminds us to remain humble and to overcome.  This is the balance we need between the body and the spirit.  It connects us to ourselves.  What a beautiful gift!  So, stop mulling over what hurt you, and begin using it as the tool that sets you free.



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