I’ve been watching the series ‘Dexter’ on Netflix. Though the plot in this show demented, I’m a huge fan of the writing and the profound insight of the narration. When I watch any sort of television, or sit through movies, I’m interested in the art of the writing, the talent of the actors and the message being relayed. Rarely do I sit and watch TV for entertainment purposes only. I’m drawn to dark expressions of art, including (but not limited to) sorcery, psychological thrillers and intelligently written horror (which is rare to find, I know). If a well-written movie ends in a sinister manner, I want to stand up and clap at the end. There is nothing like a sharp blow to the senses to get me feeling something intense from within. I like it when something outside of myself creates a little friction inside of my own body. It wakes up, gets me thinking and makes me feel alive. There is no shame in this. Those entertainers are merely funneling their anger into art. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to watch, listen, or expose themselves to the artists fury. There is no harm in the expression of anger when it is being channeled creatively. We all have a dark side; just some of us are afraid to express it, while others express it destructively. There is a happy-medium, and it’s called art.
For the longest time, I have been afraid to express my own anger, so it often comes out in a destructive manner. In treatment, they taught us to sit with our rage, but all I could think about while I was sitting there, was running to a batting cage and slamming some balls across a field. I also thought it would have been a good idea if they invested in some punching bags. Anger is difficult for anyone to sit through. When I am steaming with anger, sometimes I go on a long run to diffuse the energy, but this is not always possible depending on where I am when I’m fuming. Finally, I’m accepting the fact that I’m often frustrated, annoyed and irritated. Anger rears it’s ugly head through the likes of my sarcasm, and in random bursts of rage. It hasn’t done me any good to hide this fact about myself. It comes out one way or another, and I go from being Zen, to being a complete asshole. This is not cool at all, especially when others are on the receiving end. I’m not bi-polar, I swear. I simply haven’t learned how to express my anger in a constructive manner. It isn’t proper to be angry, you see, so I’ve been conditioned to suppress these dark emotions.
This is all about to change.
I’m in acceptance of my anger. It’s fine. I’m not judging it anymore. It doesn’t matter where it derived from. It could even be carried out from a previous lifetime for all I know. The bottom line is that it’s a part of me that I’ve heedlessly rejected because of shame, but that shame no longer serves me, and the anger doesn’t disappear when I ignore it. So what am I going to do about it? I’m already doing it. I’m writing a dark series of books. They are twisted, demented, entertaining, extreme and shocking. I don’t even feel like I’m writing them as they seep through my fingers onto my keyboard… and the release… it’s incredible! I am giving myself permission to explore this “dark passenger” of myself. I’m slowly releasing the rage before it evolves into destruction, like small trembles in the earth that release seismic pressure, which provide relief from a major earthquake.
We tend to judge people who have a dark expression, but the truth is, they are simply aware of their demons, and rather than rejecting them, or letting them get out of control, they have learned a constructive way to channel them.
Art is the most sacred expression of emotion. It’s the bridge between the soul and the human being. The gift of being an artist, is being able to express my dark side without bringing any harm into the world. And the amazing part about channeling my anger into a series of books… is that it’s fun! If people walk around believing that they are strictly filled with rainbows and unicorns, or that they don’t have a dark side (we are all made up of yin and yang, remember), then they are in denial of themselves. Suppressed anger will come out eventually, whether behind closed doors or in the daylight for the world to see. The sad part about the suppression, is that it usually causes harm to others. I know this from experience.
The weekend is approaching, and I will be busy doing other things besides blogging, so although this isn’t my usual positive message for the day, I hope my readers take the morsel of truth they find here and savor it. To lighten the mood, here is a little poem I wrote regarding this topic:
THE ARTIST’S WAY
In the hollows of emotion
Lies a significant mountain
Where an Artist must endure
The Dancer discovers her balance
And a Philosopher realizes rest
Is allied with Wisdom
A Dreamer will awaken
In the perils of fear
A Writer’s fervor ignites
As he allots revenge to nature
Painters muse in both love’s spell
And tragedy’s bluster
In regards to pain and bliss
There is no difference
In the Poet’s sentiment
Each carries marvel
Every emotional depth and pike
Embodies great insight
Through brilliant Human artistry