In treatment, we had a really intuitive counselor who would look directly at you, and see right through your elusive bullshit. She was good at what she did. Her method was very effective, and I’m pretty certain that she saved my life. I endearingly call her “The Ego Eliminator,” because she saw right through my nonsense, and spoke assertively to the part of me that always wanted to destroy my own life. While she was doing this, she also saw the essence of who I was beneath my shackled mind, and reminded my spirit that I could live a life a freedom. It was harsh, the way she spoke to my ego, and sometimes it felt like she was stabbing my face. Deep down, however, I knew I was getting the truth, and I was at a place where I could take the heat, in order to finally heal.
Part of my problem, as with most addicts and alcoholics, is that I always had to establish control wherever possible. I was used to going after things and maneuvering through my life in attack mode, as opposed to being open to receiving whatever it was that would lovingly come my way. I was uncomfortable sitting still, and constantly desiring things I didn’t yet have. I was impatient and restless. “Give it to me, NOW” was the fiery dragon living inside of me. Even the smallest desires drove me mad if I wasn’t getting my way. What finally changed for me in treatment, was that I stopped getting my way.
It makes me laugh sometimes now, to think that there are seven billion people on this planet, and most of them want things to go their way. Could you imagine what would happen if half of those people woke up to the fact that there are seven billion other people on this planet who are just as controlling as they are, and very few of us have very much control of anything? I think most people with this sudden understanding would shrug, get a good laugh, kick off their shoes and find some nice damp grass to walk on while basking in the sun. It’s just not that big of a deal when we don’t get our way. It simply isn’t. We are not in control. We are not the conductors of our lives; we are simply passengers on a journey.
Letting go isn’t just about death and breaking up. It goes beyond this. It occurs on the daily. I mean, how many times does my daughter get up a little too late, and I’m not out the door precisely at the time that I wish to leave? Do I fight her about this everyday? No. I don’t, because it’s a simple reminder that she is one of the seven billion, and I’m the one on the grass with my shoes off. I’m basking in the sun, man. I don’t need to be in control. I don’t need to go mad when the idiot in front of me isn’t aware of the green light, or the cashier is chopping it up for five minutes with the customer in front of me, on the day that I’m running behind schedule. It’s not my world and the world does not revolve around my freakishly controlling mind. The world does work in my favor, however, when I am willing to let go of the reigns. When I am in acceptance, I am in harmony. When I am in harmony, I find that everything I need, comes my way.
This is so freeing. And here’s one last morsel of wisdom for you to take on your journey today, “Learning to let go is like giving yourself wings and opening your universe to greater things.” Yeah, I came up with this saying, because it reminds me to get my ass onto the grass, where the skies are wide open.